No, I don't want to go to Canada for my honeymoon.
Because we want somewhere warm.
We want to wear swimsuits.
All the time.
No you can't do that in Canada
Go deep sea fishing.
We don't want that kind of fishing
Go snorkeling.
NO you can't do that in Alberta.
Go Scuba diving.
No I don't want to do that in Canada!
Go Parasailing.
No, I don't want to do that in Canada!
No, I don't want to go on a cruise!!! A cruise is like school to me!!
Now imagine a "but....." between each response.
I thought I had good "thank you but no thankyou" sounds to my voice. It should have worked at the first response, not the 300th!
Sunday, March 25, 2007
March 25th
So today's the day my dad died, 14 years ago. I've hit that point where I have now been alive longer without him than with, and that feels very weird.
Backstory: My dad started acting sick at the holidays of '92. He went to the hospital after my Mom asked my sisters and I to convince him to go in (he already knew what was wrong, in a way) at the start of January. On January 5th, he was diagnosed with cancer of the stomach lining, which is still incurable. As in, nobody who's had it STILL has lived beyond a few months. He was sick, doing chemo for 2 and a half months, then he died. We didn't get alot of time to adjust. But we were still luckier than other people who's family members die suddenly-- we got time for a bit of talking.
My dad made these video tapes for my sister, mom, me, and his and my mom's families. This was before the Michael Keaton movie My Life. They have always been really important to us. I have about 30 minutes of my dad talking to just me, on video tape. But something happened during the filming, and there's no sound for all but 10 minutes. Each year, when I watch it, I hope that maybe magically the sound will come back. Not this year.
I wish I could have given J the father he always wanted through marriage. He was always looking forward to the idea that he'd marry into a family, and there would automatically be a dad there. Well, I have a stepdad. Who's an ex-priest. Who gave my father last rites, and officiated his funeral. He buried my father. And then, 3 years later, he married my mom. It sounds twisted, it isn't. I probably should stop resenting him, but do you know how hard that is?
Not exactly a story you talk about down here, in Bush-ultra-conservative-religion-land.
Backstory: My dad started acting sick at the holidays of '92. He went to the hospital after my Mom asked my sisters and I to convince him to go in (he already knew what was wrong, in a way) at the start of January. On January 5th, he was diagnosed with cancer of the stomach lining, which is still incurable. As in, nobody who's had it STILL has lived beyond a few months. He was sick, doing chemo for 2 and a half months, then he died. We didn't get alot of time to adjust. But we were still luckier than other people who's family members die suddenly-- we got time for a bit of talking.
My dad made these video tapes for my sister, mom, me, and his and my mom's families. This was before the Michael Keaton movie My Life. They have always been really important to us. I have about 30 minutes of my dad talking to just me, on video tape. But something happened during the filming, and there's no sound for all but 10 minutes. Each year, when I watch it, I hope that maybe magically the sound will come back. Not this year.
I wish I could have given J the father he always wanted through marriage. He was always looking forward to the idea that he'd marry into a family, and there would automatically be a dad there. Well, I have a stepdad. Who's an ex-priest. Who gave my father last rites, and officiated his funeral. He buried my father. And then, 3 years later, he married my mom. It sounds twisted, it isn't. I probably should stop resenting him, but do you know how hard that is?
Not exactly a story you talk about down here, in Bush-ultra-conservative-religion-land.
Saturday, March 3, 2007
waiting waiting waiting
Yesterday I realized that I've slowly stopped doing things that I used to. Which is ok, because I'm talking about staying up all night, drinking, spending money on drinking, and wasting my time talking to strangers who I really don't give a crap about, but they happen to be sitting at my table.
Well, last night I decided that instead of being the 'responsible one'-- which is a title that just should never describe me, I would join in and have a few cocktails. So of course now I'm irritated because even though I got to play stupid trivia games and stay up all night (530), I still am a rational being, woke up at 930, and took a shower. My fiancee was nice, got up and made me coffee and breakfast while the friend we brought home for safe keeping stayed passed out on the couch. I was convinced to lie around on the bed and watch tv for a few hours, when J fell asleep again. I watched FREAKY FRIDAY, a wierd moment of enjoying Nickelodeon (at least I think it was Nick). But it's 230 now. They are asleep. I can't work because there are snoring people in my mental space! ARGHHHHH!!!
Why can't we have that one night of 'reclaiming our youth' but then blend it in with the rational present! I'm not wierd for working on saturday. I'm not. So why do I keep telling myself that I am-- since i'm the only one awake to think so?
I'm just all itchy crawly in my own skin. And I'm bummed that I stayed awake till 530.
Even running the kitchen disposal won't wake them up! I'm going to leave, I think.
Well, last night I decided that instead of being the 'responsible one'-- which is a title that just should never describe me, I would join in and have a few cocktails. So of course now I'm irritated because even though I got to play stupid trivia games and stay up all night (530), I still am a rational being, woke up at 930, and took a shower. My fiancee was nice, got up and made me coffee and breakfast while the friend we brought home for safe keeping stayed passed out on the couch. I was convinced to lie around on the bed and watch tv for a few hours, when J fell asleep again. I watched FREAKY FRIDAY, a wierd moment of enjoying Nickelodeon (at least I think it was Nick). But it's 230 now. They are asleep. I can't work because there are snoring people in my mental space! ARGHHHHH!!!
Why can't we have that one night of 'reclaiming our youth' but then blend it in with the rational present! I'm not wierd for working on saturday. I'm not. So why do I keep telling myself that I am-- since i'm the only one awake to think so?
I'm just all itchy crawly in my own skin. And I'm bummed that I stayed awake till 530.
Even running the kitchen disposal won't wake them up! I'm going to leave, I think.
waiting waiting waiting
Yesterday I realized that I've slowly stopped doing things that I used to. Which is ok, because I'm talking about staying up all night, drinking, spending money on drinking, and wasting my time talking to strangers who I really don't give a crap about, but they happen to be sitting at my table.
Well, last night I decided that instead of being the 'responsible one'-- which is a title that just should never describe me, I would join in and have a few cocktails. So of course now I'm irritated because even though I got to play stupid trivia games and stay up all night (530), I still am a rational being, woke up at 930, and took a shower. My fiancee was nice, got up and made me coffee and breakfast while the friend we brought home for safe keeping stayed passed out on the couch. I was convinced to lie around on the bed and watch tv for a few hours, when J fell asleep again. I watched FREAKY FRIDAY, a wierd moment of enjoying Nickelodeon (at least I think it was Nick). But it's 230 now. They are asleep. I can't work because there are snoring people in my mental space! ARGHHHHH!!!
Why can't we have that one night of 'reclaiming our youth' but then blend it in with the rational present! I'm not wierd for working on saturday. I'm not. So why do I keep telling myself that I am-- since i'm the only one awake to think so?
I'm just all itchy crawly in my own skin. And I'm bummed that I stayed awake till 530.
Even running the kitchen disposal won't wake them up! I'm going to leave, I think.
Well, last night I decided that instead of being the 'responsible one'-- which is a title that just should never describe me, I would join in and have a few cocktails. So of course now I'm irritated because even though I got to play stupid trivia games and stay up all night (530), I still am a rational being, woke up at 930, and took a shower. My fiancee was nice, got up and made me coffee and breakfast while the friend we brought home for safe keeping stayed passed out on the couch. I was convinced to lie around on the bed and watch tv for a few hours, when J fell asleep again. I watched FREAKY FRIDAY, a wierd moment of enjoying Nickelodeon (at least I think it was Nick). But it's 230 now. They are asleep. I can't work because there are snoring people in my mental space! ARGHHHHH!!!
Why can't we have that one night of 'reclaiming our youth' but then blend it in with the rational present! I'm not wierd for working on saturday. I'm not. So why do I keep telling myself that I am-- since i'm the only one awake to think so?
I'm just all itchy crawly in my own skin. And I'm bummed that I stayed awake till 530.
Even running the kitchen disposal won't wake them up! I'm going to leave, I think.
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