Post-Thanksgiving

This is the time of year that I want to run away and join the foreign service corps. They're more forgiving than the French foreign legion anyways, and don't mind that I'm a girl. But I will be positive

Ten Things I'm thankful for this year:

1. The health care reform bill passed. And J's surgeon agreed to a smaller monthly payment than I was afraid we'd have to do. Starting payments in December, we will officially have paid the sawbone off in 12 years and 2 months. Like I said before, reform is a good thing (even if it won't apply to us).

2. J is settling into his new position. It's exciting to have more cash flow in than out! Yes Virginia, we CAN have a little christmas! (and pay off debts).

3. We are fortunate to have local family who will let us stay at a house rent-free.

4. My advisor hasn't sent me a guilt trip email in 4 weeks now. I'm hiding from my email, and trying to work work work.

5. My nephews are getting through the storm of the divorce ok. But I wish that the 4 yr old didn't have to go to a counselor for anger management issues, and didn't think daddy 'gave him up' on Thanksgiving (he did though).

6. I have been very grateful for being on the recieving end of a lot of selfless giving this year. It may be a viable adage that it takes a village to raise a child, I also think it is entirely accurate to say that no man is an island, and despite the disconnected layers of current society (how far away we all are from one another, and how the internet intercedes)-- it takes a community to help us all live. When in need, its your friends who will help you, not corporations or insurance companies (but never borrow money from your family).

7. I will go see my family this holiday, and my mom and sister need me around for awhile. Plus, its pretty official that I will live in this town for the next 4 years, so I want to break away for awhile. I want some snow. And a bathtub.

8. J and I have been married for 1 year and 4 months (almost), and have experienced hardships and blessings along the way. We've really seen more hardships than good, but instead of getting cranky and losing the sparkle of what you married people call 'the honeymoon phase,' we are still silly in love together. Seriously.

9. Ambien. I know its a crutch, but it's very awesome. On Thursday night I dreamt that my to do list was a monster, trying to eat my face. I didn't take ambien then-- I had to get up early to shop for my sister. But I took it last night, by god!

10. coffee.

post deleted because I was being a bitch about in laws issues. Must stop that. now.

Sunshine Day

I must say, things are looking up, I think. It feels very nice to know that J will get a paycheck Friday. And I'm excited that our trip is coming up soon. AND I just recieved notes back on the Diss intro. I haven't read them, but I'm gonna later-- movin on, movin on.

I drove the delta88 this weekend a bit, and have decided that I won't do that again. Yesterday, SUNDAY, I ran to Walmart. I have a legitimate reason- I needed sunscreen and if its not onsale at Target, then I should get it cheaper.

I found myself driving up in this beat down car, in the rain (it leaks in the rain). The driver door doesn't shut entirely because it's banged up on the outside. The rear view mirror fell off a while ago, apparently. There's no interior light, and the back tire needs inflating every other time we drive.

So I thought it was funny rolling up to Walmart, inbetween an overstuffed minivan and a super truck. I went inside and realized too late that my shoes were rubbing blisters into my heels, so I started doing this odd shuffle hop to avoid the blisters, pushing my cart around. AND, I hadn't taken a shower yet, so I had sleep hair. Let me tell you, I was just waiting for the intercom voice to announce, "Here's yer Sign......"

16 days in counting.....

Ok so I admitted that the part that makes me the crankiest, besides J's general absence, is that I'm stuck here. Part of being stuck here includes CAD and the MIL. They want to help me and I want them to go away. MIL keeps telling me that in order to keep CAD under control, and perhaps not cause another meltdown, I should accept her help at some point. Here's the sitch:

CAD finally realized that she's made a crapper of a life for herself, as she was turned down by a local community college for school. It seems that she has flunked out one two many times from there and they don't feel she's a safe bet (duh). J's recent promotion also pisses her off, mainly because she's the kind of person who bullies in order to make themselves feel better (and somehow suggest her son is better than J). Well, now she's the one stuck in a crummy house with a deadbeat son who's serving probation for marjijuana and contempt of court. Cousin has no ambition or drive beyond playing video games and manipulating the family for money. And he's 23 I think.

Anyway, apparently she's been freaking out that she realized that she has no skills, and appears to be unable to hold down a job. In front of J and MIL I said that one day she will be forced to use the government. I even said welfare, which made MIL flinch. But I'm sorry, CAD made her bed. I have my own crazy aunt on my maternal side who manipulated and squeezed my grandparents. In the 80s, she landed on welfare and that is the situation that inspired her to get an associate's degree and to really take care of my cousins. It may not seem like it, but welfare empowered my CAT (again, she's a maternal aunt I don't really talk about) because she had to feel the results of each choice she made, rather than running to my broke grandparents. I think this is what is needed with CAD.

I know that the prodigal son should be treated well, but it doesn't count if he's family. Also, in the parable, the prodigal son was SORRY, and admitted is failures. CAD will never do that, so she'll never get a free ride from me. Welfare is not a bad place-- it can work, and I don't appreciate that the stereotype is such. Its true that public assistance is the perfect storm- but I believe in the indomitable human spirit, and I've witnessed the goodness that family support (without money) can bring about wonderful changes-- CAD is lost.

I babble and I know that I'm not expressing myself clearly. One point, is that I am still a hopeful when it comes to government. I believe in a little bit of big government, because we all need some help these days. I also believe, based on my own experience, that often times the people who need the most help don't qualify for government aid. I know that at some point in my life, a situation will occur for a friend and I will go out of my way to help them, because someone did it for us. I believe in paying it forward, when you can.

I also believe that the health care system needs a drastic overhaul, and change should come NOW. I don't care if doctors wine that they spent x dollars on graduate school in the anticipation of y dollars in career salary. Well Dr. doctor, I spent x dollars on graduate school and I KNOW I will not get anywhere near your average hourly appointment wage. You are not entitled. Tax the rich. If I win the lottery, I'll pay the taxes because that's the price we pay to live here and not somewhere else.

Oh, the other point is that I really want to avoid any rides offered by CAD or food. erg.

J's gone

It's a good thing! J left for training for 10 weeks. Well, actually it's 8 weeks training but we are going on a honeymoon in 17 days. So it's 17 days, honeymoon, then October 23-Dec. 6th. It's not that long, but I don't like it. I know this is good, and that it has to happen. I just have to admit that I kind of resent it because he leaves me here, in this house, alone. I have to be honest and say that I am annoyed that I have to live here alone. It wouldn't be so offputting if we lived in a better place.

Oh wait, I have to stop typing. My mother in law just got here for the nightly visit to the dog and cat.... at 9pm.

holiday meal

A Double HA! today-- we decided that the 'family' thanksgiving meal will be potluck, and we're bringing the turkey (from C&J BBQ) so there's no insance 9 hour debacle like last christmas. CAD will be told she can bring her nutty rolls, but we're taking care of the dishes we really like :)

Yard work (despite how mean the tone of this is, I'm not that bitchy)

I've been irritated by some overgrown bushes on our driveway for quite awhile. Besides being in the way when exiting a car, there are also huge spiders that spin webs when the sun goes down, attached between the bushes and the cars-- so needless to say I carry a flashlight at night, so I won't walk into cobwebs on the way to the house.  So yesterday I decided to clean up.

When I told J what I was going to go do with my hedge clippers, he commented that we shouldn't do that because the pomegranate tree (the biggest overgrown crap) was CAD's. I said you can't stop me. She doesn't live here, and seriously, its a damn bush. He also mentioned that he would back me up (of course) if she were to notice and make a big stink about it. I said he had no choice because he married me, and we don't like her anyways (of course).

But as I was chopping away for 45 minutes, I found myself daydreaming the scenario that she drives by, sees it and stops. It's not unlikely she would think she could yell at me or perhaps shove. My only concerns are that A) I would find myself beating up a 40year old, and might have to work hard at it and B) I'd have to be quiet because if J heard the commotion, he'd come outside and step in-- a much more uneven battle.

Then I realized, SERIOUSLY, why am I daydreaming about the potential catfight that won't happen? The scary part is that it is possible. She's so many tacos short of a mexican platter, that all she has is a scoop of guacamole in the middle!

So, now I have a cleaner driveway. Next weekend, I'm going to start looking for 'her' things and change them. First item on the list (I kid you not) is moving the stupid gecko suncatcher stuck in a window. I'm done with avoiding and learning to deal with her. I'm on the offensive.

And I still don't see why I should answer her phone calls.