I'm done

I would like to announce that I'm Done.

I'm Done feeling sorry for myself because we're broke. I'm done flaking on my friends-- instead of ditching yoga for Bingo (I did, really! we didn't win) I will just admit that I'm frustrated about cancelling my Golds membership soon, because we pay 54 a month for my two times a week at yoga. J has a sweet deal--- his membership is 19 a month, but he hasn't worked out in a year. So that means I spent 240 bucks on nothing last year. I will admit that I'm afraid that we can't have a honeymoon because we can't buy plane tickets. I will admit that I was a stupid, compulsive buyer who signed up for a freaking discount time share, and now I'm stuck paying the money on it.

I'm Done waffling about my dissertation. I need to clarify my terms in use, and get on with it. I need to bullshit a conclusion. I 'concluded' my argument, and summarized my main points. Can't I be done with it?

I thought after we got married, we'd have more money. How naive! I finally got through to J, and explained on paper why I freak out about money--- I showed him our budget, and how he fits into it. So he's been working hard ever since. He finally GOT what I was pissy about. I shoulda shown him the numbers a long time ago! And yes, he's growing up. I guess you could say I finally convinced him that I'm right about certain issues. I was really proud when we had a conversation about going out late in the middle of the week (I just can't see past that), and he identified WHY he used to do that (frustration with job) and that he can't do that anymore because he is a different man now. Now that we know the why, its easier to find a different outlet, one that doesn't require money, and doesn't piss me off or involve drinking so much.

And sometimes, I just have to admit I want my daddy. When he was dying, my dad made a video for us, and in my video he told me that my friends like to ask for advice, but I should be careful not to give advice about experience I didn't have. He also tried to warn me that I should wait for the right guy, and not date the bad ones. But he never gave any advice about being married. I don't think he could concieve of me getting married. I mean, I was only 13. But I wish I could get his opinion-- or at least watch his examples of interacting with my mom. I just wish he was here, so I could ask for his advice or not--- I just wish I had the choice.