My attempt at 15 minutes of fame a night hasn't worked. Too much work. Oh well.

I'm exhausted this week-- from waiting and scheduling and stressing and packing. My dear uncle sent me some boxes, which have helped. I did spend the past three days cleaning out the office. I'm sad to say that I did, indeed, throwout the essays written for Dr. Z's Am. Lit seminar of 2002. But seriously, I'm a 'brit' person now, so no need for it right?

We are in limbo about J's surgery. A finance rep called monday and said we had to pay 4500 upfront for the surgery, no payment plan offered. Motha(*&)&$%^(*&$#$^&*!!! I lost it Monday, with all the stress. Seriously, what is the most stressful is my Diss and Chair. We will meet tomorrow and I need to be blunt, keep my cajones and ask her if she plans on punishing me via another unsatisfactory this summer, or if she will threaten to ditch me again-- This is the core of my stress and fear. If I knew she was not going to leave me, I'd be much happier I think-- or not. After all, who's really happy dissertating?

So I don't know if there will be surgery. The accounting rep has ducked our calls since Tuesday. J put our 'case' to her and she said she'd look into it. But will this happen? Will a nurse call tomorrow with pre-op instructions? Should I be making my house post-surgery ready (change the sheets at least)? I hate, hate, hate that we may have to make a health decision based on cost. But surely, we are not the only people who need a surgery and don't have 4500 bucks!

I need a valium. Actually, what I need more is 8 uninterrupted hours of writing!