The talk went ok. things are fine. Now I know the communication requirements she expects (perhaps an email once a week) and my test is on target. we both got some outside feedback on expectations before the meeting.

game on.

how to respond

My diss. chair just emailed me that "since I chose to not submit a rough draft of my proposal" she's "very dissappointed" because I "may have to postpone my prelims" because my proposal will not be good enough quality for the exams. It will need multiple revisions, and apparently on HER FREAKING PLANET THEY ALL HAPPEN BEFORE THE DAMN EXAM.

I took thanksgiving to relax, do light studying, and de-stress===== but obviously she doesn't think I need to relax, since I "need to draft a plan B".

How do I tell HER what is expected of me during the freaking exam process? I've been called into the 'principals office' tomorrow at 3pm. Can I just tell her to kiss my ass?

Seriously, what the hell do I say to her? SHe wants to postpone the damn exam because I didn't send her any drafts of the proposal yet, which isn't technically due until the exam! Instead, she wants to make me feel like a failure and a pointless effort in my study. what an asset!

Well, I'm almost two weeks into my intensive study plan--- which has me at the office until midnight most nights, or a cool Sandwich Shop, and always exhausted at the end of the day. I actually have to get my supplies together, as I am about to leave for Thanksgiving week. Because of the mother's divorce, we are spending time together as a family, elsewhere, using the last of the timeshare without the ex-stepfather. Of course, this requires me to pack my clothes AND my books. Sadly, J can't come--- the back thing. He's better but

OH GUESS WHAT

he said I was right yesterday! He said it more than once. And when he said it, it turned into a self-chastising refrain for him. The thing is, he had 2 friends over Thursday night, while I was off studying. They played the wii, and had a few beers. I warned him that all that standing (because he wasn't going to lie down in the bedroom and leave his friends alone) would hurt. I TOLD him that he had to be sooo careful. And of course, he thinks he's invincible.

Well, he's not, and he's more sore friday and today than he should be. So he knows I was right. He stood for almost 8 hours, instead of laying down for 8 hours. And the beer wasn't so good an idea either.

Basically, this was the first return to the 'situation which causes fights' and we didn't fight. AND he said I was right. But I never acted nor suggested that was what was going on.

We've also determined that most of his stupid moves stem from his fear of abandonement-- he grew up neglected, was taken away from his birth mother at 6 ish, when through foster care in 3 homes, a boys home, etc, until he finally landed with his mom and was adopted around age 9-10. The point is, I've gotten him to focus on the WHY instead of just WHAT he does.

Oh, and on Thursday night, he woke me up at 4am to tell me that 'We need a baby'. I have no idea what he was talking about all night--- his two friends aren't married or have children, let alone in solid relationships! What would they be talking about? Although, we do watch my friend's baby on Thursdays, who J has named Didder-Didder, after the very first noise she made in his face. She actually sang with him Thursday--- he held her and sang nonsense, waited a beat, and she laughted, danced and sang nonsense back!

He always says 'we need one of those' on Thursdays.

(un)necessary therapy?

This past week has been pretty ok here, despite the (shhhh) hangover last thursday.

I'm starting to wonder about the usefulness of this blog. I mean, I think I know who reads it (which is probably 3 people including myself) and all I do is whine about my fiance. That's right, I remember, I don't want to be the annoying chick who talks only about their impending wedding. That's why this is here. I can say all that crap in one place and not repeat it. Well, not repeat it multiple times, I guess.

We don't really have it that bad, and while yes, we both have some growing up to do (him more than me, ahem) our relationship is as strong as ever. Its just that we both have 'living' habits that have to stop/change, and so I whine about it. I feel that we are going about getting that change each time we talk, and evaluate our goals, and find out boundaries.

And he just signed us up for marraige counselling. He made dinner. He vacuumed. He cleaned the kitchen up. He made the bed and got my pajamas out for me.

I think I have a wife, at least for now. I'm the bad one, who when their turn to make dinner came, ordered papa johns. Excuse me, the delivery man is here..........