Let me just say, I busted my ass getting an article ready for a journal last month. In fact, I tabled my proposal so I could GET it done, which landed me in salty water with the Chair. Although, she just thinks I'm lazy and doesn't know I was actually busy. Then again, she doesn't think that wedding planning can keep one busy.

Anyways, I heard back from the editor. Sadly, she mis-remembered the debate I had with the other author at a conference two years ago. She thought we researched the same source but in different countries. In fact, we were just a few miles away from each other in Dublin. That will impact the direction she was going for, most definitely.

So holy s---. I break my ass, and it may not be published. yeay me.

While I am annoyed, I'm not surprised or really offended, because it was too much of a good thing to actually happen to me, in this stage of my career.

On the wedding front-- and let me preface this by saying that mostly, I laughed when these things happened:

Rehearsal dinner double booked (you know that)
florist ordered wrong flowers, tried to raise price ( she said she'd fix it)
Cake lady fell through (now my sister is making all three cakes, not just grooms cake)
hotel sold out, J's friends have no place to stay (cause THEY didn't make resv. on time. guys.)
bridesmaid got the wrong top (right size, she can wear it, it's just not what she wanted)
Hairstylist quit (but she offered to come to the house to do my hair)
running out of money (as expected)
Host couple 1 is missing half, because my dad's friend has something better to do that day. (actually, he is a photographer and I think he's sore that I didn't ask him to do the pictures)
had to cancel my bridesmaid fun morning (we have to take stuff to reception location)

But like I told my mom and fiancee, as long as I know the bills get paid, I'm good. It's all just details anyways. Nobody remembers if the bride had a manicure, or if the flowers weren't exactly what the M o B wanted, or that the reception wasnt AS fancy as others. My mom worries that the rehearsal dinner is a cash bar (MoG won't buy alcohol on principle, which is fine), and we can only provide beer (miller lite) and wine (house chardonnay and merlot) and tea/coffee. Hmm, does that include soda? I better ask my mom. I certainly can't pay for it--- I know my cousins, they'll drink more soda than the cost of a keg!

We've learned--- or I've gotten J and my mom to believe in my list of priorities. If you can't pay for 1-5, then 6-10 gets deleted in order. Decide what's most important and maintain it, but forget the matching plastic bowls of nuts-- any old bowl will do. For example, we wanted an open bar. Then it turned into beer,wine and open for the bridal party. Now its just beer and wine for everyone. I figure, we're spending over 2 thou at a hotel, we shouldn't feel bad about not buying a bunch of shots or fancy mix drinks.

And to think...... once this is over, we still have a reception in September down South!

Whew!

Alot has happened since my birthday: lots of frustration and worry. Sadly, I've been a witch to J. I'm up in homestate now, and getting things finalized for the wedding. Being away from school has made a huge difference. The oppressive worry of not working, or not being good enough, well, I decided to let go of--- atleast until August.

The wedding is turning out to be smaller than my mom expected, which makes me happy--- less people means less money. And money is what has been making me stressed out. Also, being near my family has been comforting. I wish my dad were here, but atleast I have the rest to help. Even my brother in law offered to help ALOT during the wedding, which means so much. I spent Mon-Fri at his house, helping him take care of the 2 boys while my sister was out of town. I really enjoyed it, though need sleep seriously, and don't know how they deal with two little boys!

Things are shaping up, and if the only bump was the rehearsal dinner place DUMPING us for a double booked night, then that's ok. The new spot has been really nice, and will be a better deal. The only trouble left is, do i truthfully ask my mom for more money for the wedding, or just continue to 'sneak' expenses in? I think I'll keep the DL on the $ for now. Odd, I can be honest and frank with J's mom about this. My ma is spending SOOO much money already! And trust me, we're doing this wedding the cheap way.

Gotta go, little M wants to watch alladin with me. nightowl.

Not everyone's idea of a birthday

....but it really looks good now.

The girls that lived there before had an awful teal. The picture doesn't do justice to the horrible-ness and the bad brush strokes. The second is the new beautiful blue!

Just completing something yesterday (well, this morning really) feels wonderful. I also finished the article and just need to footnote it before sending it in. I'm feeling better and not SOO overwhelmed. Although, there is the matter of the apartment not being packed and we move tomorrow.................

Happy Fourth of July

Happy Birthday to me. (tomorrow). I won't explain why, but I ended up crying in my closet this afternoon. Then I went and spent 178.00 on house paint and brushes.

Man, we used to do the fourth up right when I was young. Neighborhood parade, games, pool, pool games, fireworks, and birthday cake for me and my dad.

freak out, fun

I am in overload. O-Ver-Load.

Proposal draft went through to revision, just need to make fixes, add missing info, spell out certain ideas i.e. footnotes.

Article for journal is late. I hate it.

wedding freaking me out. I wish I had more money.

Moving on Monday. FREAKING OUT.

Good point to focus on: my brother in law secured tickets (and possible backstage) for J and I the Tuesday before the wedding. It's jack's favorite band, and he's so excited. I overplanned the week, so I cancelled stuff (well, cancelled it in my head). The only 'move' that I'm still pondering is this:

Tuesday before:
Original: Drive 2 hours to home town, see my grandma, and go to cemetery for my dad. Drive home to ma's house, dinner with my ma, go dancing (for practice) at a Cougar/MILF coctail lounge near her house.

Revised: Go to cemetery after wedding, on way home to TX. Spend day doing whatever, then pre-party, Dave Mathews, stay at my sister's House. J prefers this because there's no 2 hour drive involved. Or wedding planning.

I know it doesn't seem that big of a deal. It's just that I used to envision my wedding would be like this: My ma would still live in hometown, so wedding would be at my childhood church. Groom and I would leave ceremony and drive to cemetery, then to reception (without people knowing). It's different now because she lives 2 hrs away, and I know the logic isn't the tightest on that. I know visiting the cemetery is an empty gesture, and only I get something out of it. But all I'm gonna do is bawl at his grave probably, so I probably shouldn't do it the day of the wedding. And I get that maybe that logic would suggest we don't visit his grave until after the wedding. I've never thought of my dad as connected unalterably with the cemetery-- so it's not that I need to be there to talk to him, there's just something ceremonious about it that I used to think I needed.

Ah, the wierd issues of a bride with a dead father. Well, my uncles will walk me down the aisle, and we aren't doing any of those 'dances' at the wedding. We're doing one, what I call a 'start dance'. It's the first song, J and I twirl about for 30 seconds, then he dances with his mom, I dance with mine (she laughed and said I shouldn't). We've got an idea of who goes first. But I want to ask my dad's friend to dance with me. He was always my partner for the Girl Scout HoeDown in grade school. Funny, that dance job is more important to me than a lector in the ceremony.