freak out, fun

I am in overload. O-Ver-Load.

Proposal draft went through to revision, just need to make fixes, add missing info, spell out certain ideas i.e. footnotes.

Article for journal is late. I hate it.

wedding freaking me out. I wish I had more money.

Moving on Monday. FREAKING OUT.

Good point to focus on: my brother in law secured tickets (and possible backstage) for J and I the Tuesday before the wedding. It's jack's favorite band, and he's so excited. I overplanned the week, so I cancelled stuff (well, cancelled it in my head). The only 'move' that I'm still pondering is this:

Tuesday before:
Original: Drive 2 hours to home town, see my grandma, and go to cemetery for my dad. Drive home to ma's house, dinner with my ma, go dancing (for practice) at a Cougar/MILF coctail lounge near her house.

Revised: Go to cemetery after wedding, on way home to TX. Spend day doing whatever, then pre-party, Dave Mathews, stay at my sister's House. J prefers this because there's no 2 hour drive involved. Or wedding planning.

I know it doesn't seem that big of a deal. It's just that I used to envision my wedding would be like this: My ma would still live in hometown, so wedding would be at my childhood church. Groom and I would leave ceremony and drive to cemetery, then to reception (without people knowing). It's different now because she lives 2 hrs away, and I know the logic isn't the tightest on that. I know visiting the cemetery is an empty gesture, and only I get something out of it. But all I'm gonna do is bawl at his grave probably, so I probably shouldn't do it the day of the wedding. And I get that maybe that logic would suggest we don't visit his grave until after the wedding. I've never thought of my dad as connected unalterably with the cemetery-- so it's not that I need to be there to talk to him, there's just something ceremonious about it that I used to think I needed.

Ah, the wierd issues of a bride with a dead father. Well, my uncles will walk me down the aisle, and we aren't doing any of those 'dances' at the wedding. We're doing one, what I call a 'start dance'. It's the first song, J and I twirl about for 30 seconds, then he dances with his mom, I dance with mine (she laughed and said I shouldn't). We've got an idea of who goes first. But I want to ask my dad's friend to dance with me. He was always my partner for the Girl Scout HoeDown in grade school. Funny, that dance job is more important to me than a lector in the ceremony.