For Better Or Worse, Worse first

So J hurt his back earlier this week, and has been bed-ridden ever since. It's been a trying time because he has no health insurance right now, due to inbetween jobs. So he's been stuck in the bedroom since Monday. When I say stuck, I mean stuck. He can't make the 10 steps to the toilet. We've improvised on that point. I wash his hair in a sandpail, with wonderful bathjunkie stuff that thankfully, doesn't irritate skin since we can't really wash it out or off all the way. I try to amuse him. I put food on trays within reach.

The thought that crossed my mind in all of this isn't what you'd think--- I mean, yes I'm a bit frustrated because my work has totally suffered because of this, and I'm in a place where that just doesn't fly. But I'm also able to adapt and redistribute my anal retentive plan for the semester. But I've said nothing to him about it. Yes, I do want someone to know that I've sacrificed, but not him. This connects to the wierd thought I had that I hope I can articulate.....

In the past, when something happened where J might need my help, I kind of had the reaction that--- we aren't married yet, I don't have to help him. I do anyways, but that's not the point. The point is that I never had that thought this week. There's some sort of sublevel switch in my brain to the married mode, kinda--- the kinda commitment switch. Or maybe it's just a symptom of flipping that switch-- because I've been committed for so long already. But it made me smile.

Yeah, that still doesn't encapsulate what I was thinking, darn it.

All I can say right now is, He is definitely buying us a brand new vase full of flowers when he's better. We need the vase more than the flowers!