I feel Better

Despite having an awful week, I feel better. I feel better because I got to talk through things with two friends. But is being in a relationship supposed to be so soap-opera-y?

I've decided that though J loves me with all his heart, and truly wants to start a family and have a family with me (and settle down), maybe he just doesn't really know what to do?

I know it's a stereotype that when women get married, it's always the man who needs to 'settle down', that men act adolescent. But it's true. I'm running out of ways to say how I feel when we have 'the fight'. Because we only fight about one issue, you know. Generally it revolves around J going out at night. He says he'll be home by 1230am, and that he'll do the dishes clean up-- or something--- (because, as he says, I have too much to do with my own schoolwork). He calls instead-- or I have to call him, at 1am. He promises to arrive at 130. 145. etc. With the exception of maybe 2 times, he shows up near three.

I insist that this means he lied. He stated one thing, and didn't follow through. And I always end up doing whatever house work is deemed necessary AND my studying, and fuming, etc.

Earlier this week was the last time he did it. (imagine this argument happening once every 2-3 weeks for over a year). He always promises to change, AND he thinks that it all stops the day we get married. I'm not comfortable with that idea.

OH OH AND, he doesn't confide in anybody! Christ, how can you get perspective on the situation--- where its clear, constantly, that you screw up, unless you ask a trusted friend for advice!

That's it. We still have marriage prep to do with the church, but first we are going to couples therapy. I'm tired of saying the same thing over and over. And I want him to grow up.

He acts like my students, not like my colleagues. But when I say that, he gets really offended.

Oh yeah, and I got NO schoolwork done yesterday. erg.