There has been so much happen in the world of marraige-dom, that I don't know where to start. Perhaps the happiest place is to say that J FINALLY got tapped to go into management training. This is so amazing, for obvious and not obvious reasons.
1. Honeymoon. We couldn't afford one. And sadly, (if you don't tell our moms) the money we recieved as wedding gifts went not to a honeymoon fund, but to pay our bills on Sept 1. As you know, there's no paycheck for grad students in September. And J took 3 weeks off for wedding stuff, so the gifts allowed us to enjoy getting married, driving home slowly (we made the 15 hour trip last 4 days), and paid for rent. This economy is horrible as you know, and its worse for people waiting tables. J seriously would get $1.00 on a $30 ticket. Consistently. He's the best at the restaurant, so that's embarrassing-- he even said someone tried to justify it to him once, apoligizing when the man handed over the tab. Dude, if you can't afford to go out to eat, don't go. DON"T STIFF THE WAITER.
But the good news is that now we can save money for a honeymoon!
2. All the hardness of the last two years-- J's bad back, and the horrible failure that is the R------ Steakhouse downtown-- are done?
3. I'll stop making more money than J. I mean, with the student loans i took last year, I made twice as much as he did. Maybe now we can pay down credit debt.
4. J is happy. He got what he deserved. He's energized to do amazing things, like build french doors for the closets, and work out, and save money.
I'm still working on my proposal, as I recieved notes back from ONE of four people. cie la vie. It better be done and approved by next week.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Motha-flippin....................
The wedding pictures finally came out, and the MiL just called to ask me to get a few pictures of her taken off the ordering website, because she looks bald and nobody wants to look at those pictures anyways!
Seriously! Its an ORDERING website! It's not a photo album, or slideshow!! And no offence, but she does have thin hair!!!!!!!
I'm trying to not be offended. But I'm really not going to ask a photographer to delete pictures from the ORDERING PROCESS. christ.
The wedding pictures finally came out, and the MiL just called to ask me to get a few pictures of her taken off the ordering website, because she looks bald and nobody wants to look at those pictures anyways!
Seriously! Its an ORDERING website! It's not a photo album, or slideshow!! And no offence, but she does have thin hair!!!!!!!
I'm trying to not be offended. But I'm really not going to ask a photographer to delete pictures from the ORDERING PROCESS. christ.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
This dish is amazing! J was impressed, and it didn't take too long. The longest part was finding Fennel at the grocery store.
Salmon and Fennel with Roasted-Lemon Vinaigrette
2 bulbs fennel, thinly sliced
2 lemons, cut in half crosswise
4 cloves garlic, unpeeled
3 tablespoons olive oil
Kosher salt and black pepper
4 6-ounce pieces skinless salmon fillet
1 teaspoon honey
1 teaspoon chopped fresh rosemary
12 ounces mixed greens (about 8 cups)
Heat oven to 400° F. In a large roasting pan, toss the fennel, lemons, garlic, 1 tablespoon of the oil, and 1/4 teaspoon each salt and pepper. Roast until the fennel begins to soften, about 8 minutes.
Season the salmon with 1/2 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon pepper and nestle in the fennel. Roast until the salmon is opaque throughout, 12 to 15 minutes.
Squeeze the garlic out of the skins into a small bowl and mash to a paste. Squeeze the lemon pulp and juice into the bowl. Stir in the honey, rosemary, the remaining 2 tablespoons of oil, and 1/4 teaspoon salt. Place the salmon and fennel on the greens. Drizzle with the dressing.
Yield: Makes 4 servings
CALORIES 372 ; FAT 17g (sat 2g); CHOLESTEROL 97mg; CARBOHYDRATE 17g; CALORIES FROM FAT 40%; SODIUM 696mg; PROTEIN 40g; FIBER 6g; SUGAR 4g
Real Simple, NOVEMBER 2008
Salmon and Fennel with Roasted-Lemon Vinaigrette
2 bulbs fennel, thinly sliced
2 lemons, cut in half crosswise
4 cloves garlic, unpeeled
3 tablespoons olive oil
Kosher salt and black pepper
4 6-ounce pieces skinless salmon fillet
1 teaspoon honey
1 teaspoon chopped fresh rosemary
12 ounces mixed greens (about 8 cups)
Heat oven to 400° F. In a large roasting pan, toss the fennel, lemons, garlic, 1 tablespoon of the oil, and 1/4 teaspoon each salt and pepper. Roast until the fennel begins to soften, about 8 minutes.
Season the salmon with 1/2 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon pepper and nestle in the fennel. Roast until the salmon is opaque throughout, 12 to 15 minutes.
Squeeze the garlic out of the skins into a small bowl and mash to a paste. Squeeze the lemon pulp and juice into the bowl. Stir in the honey, rosemary, the remaining 2 tablespoons of oil, and 1/4 teaspoon salt. Place the salmon and fennel on the greens. Drizzle with the dressing.
Yield: Makes 4 servings
CALORIES 372 ; FAT 17g (sat 2g); CHOLESTEROL 97mg; CARBOHYDRATE 17g; CALORIES FROM FAT 40%; SODIUM 696mg; PROTEIN 40g; FIBER 6g; SUGAR 4g
Real Simple, NOVEMBER 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
I am currently sitting in my home office, drinking a beer.
I'm drinking a beer, on a weeknight, on a work night, in my office. My husband just changed the lightbulbs to 100 watt fancy clear light bulbs. This room is brighter than my school office now, horribly brighter.
I'm sitting here, drinking a beer, in the brightest light, because I can't face going to bed yet. You see, I decided that I need to do more things that J likes. He picked me up from school, dinner already made, kitchen cleaned. So I offered to go see a movie (in fairness, I was trying to avoid the bowling option he put forth). Beyond that, I offered to go see a HORROR movie.
Hence the bright light, beer, office.
We saw Quarantine. Or rather, he saw it. I watched 1/2 the movie-- the left half, with my left eye. There will never be a redeeming quality to a horror flick. And this one, despite actually being a bit boring, capitalized only on some dried up tricks from Blair witch.
In the end, nobody wants to see an apartment building filled with rabid humans eating each other.
So beer, light, computer.
I'm drinking a beer, on a weeknight, on a work night, in my office. My husband just changed the lightbulbs to 100 watt fancy clear light bulbs. This room is brighter than my school office now, horribly brighter.
I'm sitting here, drinking a beer, in the brightest light, because I can't face going to bed yet. You see, I decided that I need to do more things that J likes. He picked me up from school, dinner already made, kitchen cleaned. So I offered to go see a movie (in fairness, I was trying to avoid the bowling option he put forth). Beyond that, I offered to go see a HORROR movie.
Hence the bright light, beer, office.
We saw Quarantine. Or rather, he saw it. I watched 1/2 the movie-- the left half, with my left eye. There will never be a redeeming quality to a horror flick. And this one, despite actually being a bit boring, capitalized only on some dried up tricks from Blair witch.
In the end, nobody wants to see an apartment building filled with rabid humans eating each other.
So beer, light, computer.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
I'm lucky
Yesterday I started the day feeling down. We've decided we can't afford our honeymoon, so we need to change it. I got caught up in the chain reaction of "what if we can't afford to see my family at thanksgiving? We aren't going at Christmas because we were going on a honeymoon in January. But if we don't do a honey moon then, then I'll skip my family entirely for no good reason". It was really upsetting because I LIKE my family. I WANT to see them. And J's mom said that for as long as we live in the same town as her, we can spend every holiday up north and she won't mind. If she gets us every weekend, then xmas and the rest are totally cool. Plus, they don't celebrate like my family.
So first, no honeymoon. Ok I kid, we will have a trip and we really want to go in January. It's important to me that we go sooner than summer, because quite frankly I need a vacation and I want to go away and be romantic with my husband. The wear and tear of daily frustrations here (school and money) just break you down so much. I like escapism.
Anyways, we decided that Hawaii is too far too expensive. 2 plane tickets cost 2622.00. But a week (5 days) at Walt Disney World's Polynesian Resort is the same price. We will drive to florida, and we can get a package deal with room, a meal plan, park tickets, and some freebies for the same price as the plane tickets. AND we don't necessarily need to make a booking until the end of November. So we can wait to amass some more money.
Second, I was depressed about the holidays and not seeing my family. All of this was in my head when J picked me up at the gym last night, and I cried in the car on the way home. His reaction is to fix a problem of course, so we also had a chat about how I need to release my fears through talking and crying (which I don't do often, and that makes it worse for him apparently).
When we arrived home, and I was sniveling the last of my cry, I walked in to discover that J had spent his 3 hours after work cleaning the house, mopping the kitchen floor (in guy terms, with a swiffer), did 2 loads of laundry, lit two candles and turned on the radio to cheesy music.
I must tell you that this is not the first time this has happened. My husband really is a wonderful person. I had prepared myself in life--- like, before I met a boy-- that when I got married I would get stuck in a totally traditional gender binary. But that's not what I got! J cooks and does the dishes atleast 5 nights a week. And I was not the last person to vacuum the living room before yesterday, it was J. I may fold and process laundry, and scrub the bathroom sink, but J really shows me love in actions.
I started saying "Do you know how I know my husband loves me?" and filling in an action, like filling the ice cube trays in the fridge, or hanging up his towel in a 3 quarter fold on the bar, or making the bed, or turning off all the lights, a few weeks ago. I noticed that its a positive way for me to point out that A. I respond to actions more than flowers and B. he knows concretely all the little things that actually mean alot to me. And he'll learn some good habits :). I thought about this after a Friend told me about the 5 languages of love. I'm definitely someone who responds to actions more than gifts (J is a gift guy). So last night when we walked into the house to this amazing tableau, it was wonderful.
And J didn't even know I was stressed out yesterday.
So first, no honeymoon. Ok I kid, we will have a trip and we really want to go in January. It's important to me that we go sooner than summer, because quite frankly I need a vacation and I want to go away and be romantic with my husband. The wear and tear of daily frustrations here (school and money) just break you down so much. I like escapism.
Anyways, we decided that Hawaii is too far too expensive. 2 plane tickets cost 2622.00. But a week (5 days) at Walt Disney World's Polynesian Resort is the same price. We will drive to florida, and we can get a package deal with room, a meal plan, park tickets, and some freebies for the same price as the plane tickets. AND we don't necessarily need to make a booking until the end of November. So we can wait to amass some more money.
Second, I was depressed about the holidays and not seeing my family. All of this was in my head when J picked me up at the gym last night, and I cried in the car on the way home. His reaction is to fix a problem of course, so we also had a chat about how I need to release my fears through talking and crying (which I don't do often, and that makes it worse for him apparently).
When we arrived home, and I was sniveling the last of my cry, I walked in to discover that J had spent his 3 hours after work cleaning the house, mopping the kitchen floor (in guy terms, with a swiffer), did 2 loads of laundry, lit two candles and turned on the radio to cheesy music.
I must tell you that this is not the first time this has happened. My husband really is a wonderful person. I had prepared myself in life--- like, before I met a boy-- that when I got married I would get stuck in a totally traditional gender binary. But that's not what I got! J cooks and does the dishes atleast 5 nights a week. And I was not the last person to vacuum the living room before yesterday, it was J. I may fold and process laundry, and scrub the bathroom sink, but J really shows me love in actions.
I started saying "Do you know how I know my husband loves me?" and filling in an action, like filling the ice cube trays in the fridge, or hanging up his towel in a 3 quarter fold on the bar, or making the bed, or turning off all the lights, a few weeks ago. I noticed that its a positive way for me to point out that A. I respond to actions more than flowers and B. he knows concretely all the little things that actually mean alot to me. And he'll learn some good habits :). I thought about this after a Friend told me about the 5 languages of love. I'm definitely someone who responds to actions more than gifts (J is a gift guy). So last night when we walked into the house to this amazing tableau, it was wonderful.
And J didn't even know I was stressed out yesterday.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
CAD
FYI, We have family dinner tonight.
I must be prepared to say the right thing, before she insults me.
UPDATE: Dinner went fine. No insults.
I must be prepared to say the right thing, before she insults me.
UPDATE: Dinner went fine. No insults.
I'm done
I would like to announce that I'm Done.
I'm Done feeling sorry for myself because we're broke. I'm done flaking on my friends-- instead of ditching yoga for Bingo (I did, really! we didn't win) I will just admit that I'm frustrated about cancelling my Golds membership soon, because we pay 54 a month for my two times a week at yoga. J has a sweet deal--- his membership is 19 a month, but he hasn't worked out in a year. So that means I spent 240 bucks on nothing last year. I will admit that I'm afraid that we can't have a honeymoon because we can't buy plane tickets. I will admit that I was a stupid, compulsive buyer who signed up for a freaking discount time share, and now I'm stuck paying the money on it.
I'm Done waffling about my dissertation. I need to clarify my terms in use, and get on with it. I need to bullshit a conclusion. I 'concluded' my argument, and summarized my main points. Can't I be done with it?
I thought after we got married, we'd have more money. How naive! I finally got through to J, and explained on paper why I freak out about money--- I showed him our budget, and how he fits into it. So he's been working hard ever since. He finally GOT what I was pissy about. I shoulda shown him the numbers a long time ago! And yes, he's growing up. I guess you could say I finally convinced him that I'm right about certain issues. I was really proud when we had a conversation about going out late in the middle of the week (I just can't see past that), and he identified WHY he used to do that (frustration with job) and that he can't do that anymore because he is a different man now. Now that we know the why, its easier to find a different outlet, one that doesn't require money, and doesn't piss me off or involve drinking so much.
And sometimes, I just have to admit I want my daddy. When he was dying, my dad made a video for us, and in my video he told me that my friends like to ask for advice, but I should be careful not to give advice about experience I didn't have. He also tried to warn me that I should wait for the right guy, and not date the bad ones. But he never gave any advice about being married. I don't think he could concieve of me getting married. I mean, I was only 13. But I wish I could get his opinion-- or at least watch his examples of interacting with my mom. I just wish he was here, so I could ask for his advice or not--- I just wish I had the choice.
I'm Done feeling sorry for myself because we're broke. I'm done flaking on my friends-- instead of ditching yoga for Bingo (I did, really! we didn't win) I will just admit that I'm frustrated about cancelling my Golds membership soon, because we pay 54 a month for my two times a week at yoga. J has a sweet deal--- his membership is 19 a month, but he hasn't worked out in a year. So that means I spent 240 bucks on nothing last year. I will admit that I'm afraid that we can't have a honeymoon because we can't buy plane tickets. I will admit that I was a stupid, compulsive buyer who signed up for a freaking discount time share, and now I'm stuck paying the money on it.
I'm Done waffling about my dissertation. I need to clarify my terms in use, and get on with it. I need to bullshit a conclusion. I 'concluded' my argument, and summarized my main points. Can't I be done with it?
I thought after we got married, we'd have more money. How naive! I finally got through to J, and explained on paper why I freak out about money--- I showed him our budget, and how he fits into it. So he's been working hard ever since. He finally GOT what I was pissy about. I shoulda shown him the numbers a long time ago! And yes, he's growing up. I guess you could say I finally convinced him that I'm right about certain issues. I was really proud when we had a conversation about going out late in the middle of the week (I just can't see past that), and he identified WHY he used to do that (frustration with job) and that he can't do that anymore because he is a different man now. Now that we know the why, its easier to find a different outlet, one that doesn't require money, and doesn't piss me off or involve drinking so much.
And sometimes, I just have to admit I want my daddy. When he was dying, my dad made a video for us, and in my video he told me that my friends like to ask for advice, but I should be careful not to give advice about experience I didn't have. He also tried to warn me that I should wait for the right guy, and not date the bad ones. But he never gave any advice about being married. I don't think he could concieve of me getting married. I mean, I was only 13. But I wish I could get his opinion-- or at least watch his examples of interacting with my mom. I just wish he was here, so I could ask for his advice or not--- I just wish I had the choice.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
So I was going through some boxes to put away (I need room in the office to work), and I found a framed print of Goya's. This is a picture that one of my grandmother's friends had bought in Spain, and had shipped back to the states in the 30s/40s. I'm sure its just a poster that was framed, but it's kinda cool to know I have a poster from the 30s/40s, by Goya.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Real Simple: New Uses for Old Things
I thought I spilled water on my ankle, until I realized I wasn't drinking water. And when I shook my leg, this cold band around my ankle slid out, and stared while I screamed bloody murder.
He climbed back through the hole he came in through (I hope).
My husband searched for a way to plug the hole.
When he came back from the kitchen he said,
"See, who knew a Snowman could save your life?"
I need a new wine stopper.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
CAD
I've decided that I need to vent out a little, in order to let go of issues. Besides, CAD provides us with amusement. you see, Crazy Aunt D likes to tell me I'm fat.
It's never in a straight manner, and its always a few minutes until I say to myself, 'No she just didn't!'
It started when CAD, who is obese and from family reports has been obese since high school (40 something now), told me that I needed to lose weight before I have a baby. This was months before the wedding, and she was using the advice as a vehicle to share that she was a size 4 when she got pregnant with her now-21-yr-old son. needless to say, my MIL dropped what she was holding in the neighboring room and J had to help her keep from saying anything.
I let it go, because really, how do you handle a relative stranger who calls you fat?
Then, at the wedding, she came into my dressing room minutes before the ceremony to say, with tears in her eyes
"no matter what anyone says, you are beautiful and the dress fits you perfectly."
I said, I know I'm gorgeous, and now i need to put on my lipstick. yeay me. I didn't realize till later that she was saying i was fat.
There have been other snide remarks I never notice till its too late, but this weekend takes the cake. We took the family to lunch, and in the middle of it, CAD asks me my size. I ignore her and chat with J. But she stares expectantly and asks again. So I say, I wear 1x. Then I turn away and ignore her. She doesn't give up. She says, she's been losing weight (because she can see it in her shoulders?!?!) and she has all these clothes........
I said, I'm fine thank you, no I don't want more things in my house. I'm trying to simplify. (i was trying to be nice)
She pushes the issue, and says, what is a 1x, because you look.....
I interrupt and say 1x is 16-18 and I don't want any more clothes.
She pushes and pushes and says, well this is one of the shirts, its a 24....
I interrupt and say, that would never fit me, and then I get up and say its time to go.
I was trying to avoid saying I don't want her dowdy old too large clothes. SHE wanted to point out that she thought she was skinnier than me!
NOT MEDICALLY POSSIBLE!
We went back to the house for a birthday cake (for grandma) and CAD proceeds to say, with a huge forkful of cheesecake in her mouth, that her doctor told her to apply for medicare for her diabetes medicine.
I can't say anymore right now. Its starting to sound to outrageous!
It's never in a straight manner, and its always a few minutes until I say to myself, 'No she just didn't!'
It started when CAD, who is obese and from family reports has been obese since high school (40 something now), told me that I needed to lose weight before I have a baby. This was months before the wedding, and she was using the advice as a vehicle to share that she was a size 4 when she got pregnant with her now-21-yr-old son. needless to say, my MIL dropped what she was holding in the neighboring room and J had to help her keep from saying anything.
I let it go, because really, how do you handle a relative stranger who calls you fat?
Then, at the wedding, she came into my dressing room minutes before the ceremony to say, with tears in her eyes
"no matter what anyone says, you are beautiful and the dress fits you perfectly."
I said, I know I'm gorgeous, and now i need to put on my lipstick. yeay me. I didn't realize till later that she was saying i was fat.
There have been other snide remarks I never notice till its too late, but this weekend takes the cake. We took the family to lunch, and in the middle of it, CAD asks me my size. I ignore her and chat with J. But she stares expectantly and asks again. So I say, I wear 1x. Then I turn away and ignore her. She doesn't give up. She says, she's been losing weight (because she can see it in her shoulders?!?!) and she has all these clothes........
I said, I'm fine thank you, no I don't want more things in my house. I'm trying to simplify. (i was trying to be nice)
She pushes the issue, and says, what is a 1x, because you look.....
I interrupt and say 1x is 16-18 and I don't want any more clothes.
She pushes and pushes and says, well this is one of the shirts, its a 24....
I interrupt and say, that would never fit me, and then I get up and say its time to go.
I was trying to avoid saying I don't want her dowdy old too large clothes. SHE wanted to point out that she thought she was skinnier than me!
NOT MEDICALLY POSSIBLE!
We went back to the house for a birthday cake (for grandma) and CAD proceeds to say, with a huge forkful of cheesecake in her mouth, that her doctor told her to apply for medicare for her diabetes medicine.
I can't say anymore right now. Its starting to sound to outrageous!
Monday, September 15, 2008
I'm Back
Hello!
So now I'm married, trying to adjust, and dealing with the new school year. I'm hoping I get my pictures back before the month has been 2 months away, but my friend took the pics for free, so I'm waiting patiently :).
I have so many stories to tell, and now I can also move on to talking about LIFE! not WEDDING! YEAY!
So now I'm married, trying to adjust, and dealing with the new school year. I'm hoping I get my pictures back before the month has been 2 months away, but my friend took the pics for free, so I'm waiting patiently :).
I have so many stories to tell, and now I can also move on to talking about LIFE! not WEDDING! YEAY!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Let me just say, I busted my ass getting an article ready for a journal last month. In fact, I tabled my proposal so I could GET it done, which landed me in salty water with the Chair. Although, she just thinks I'm lazy and doesn't know I was actually busy. Then again, she doesn't think that wedding planning can keep one busy.
Anyways, I heard back from the editor. Sadly, she mis-remembered the debate I had with the other author at a conference two years ago. She thought we researched the same source but in different countries. In fact, we were just a few miles away from each other in Dublin. That will impact the direction she was going for, most definitely.
So holy s---. I break my ass, and it may not be published. yeay me.
While I am annoyed, I'm not surprised or really offended, because it was too much of a good thing to actually happen to me, in this stage of my career.
On the wedding front-- and let me preface this by saying that mostly, I laughed when these things happened:
Rehearsal dinner double booked (you know that)
florist ordered wrong flowers, tried to raise price ( she said she'd fix it)
Cake lady fell through (now my sister is making all three cakes, not just grooms cake)
hotel sold out, J's friends have no place to stay (cause THEY didn't make resv. on time. guys.)
bridesmaid got the wrong top (right size, she can wear it, it's just not what she wanted)
Hairstylist quit (but she offered to come to the house to do my hair)
running out of money (as expected)
Host couple 1 is missing half, because my dad's friend has something better to do that day. (actually, he is a photographer and I think he's sore that I didn't ask him to do the pictures)
had to cancel my bridesmaid fun morning (we have to take stuff to reception location)
But like I told my mom and fiancee, as long as I know the bills get paid, I'm good. It's all just details anyways. Nobody remembers if the bride had a manicure, or if the flowers weren't exactly what the M o B wanted, or that the reception wasnt AS fancy as others. My mom worries that the rehearsal dinner is a cash bar (MoG won't buy alcohol on principle, which is fine), and we can only provide beer (miller lite) and wine (house chardonnay and merlot) and tea/coffee. Hmm, does that include soda? I better ask my mom. I certainly can't pay for it--- I know my cousins, they'll drink more soda than the cost of a keg!
We've learned--- or I've gotten J and my mom to believe in my list of priorities. If you can't pay for 1-5, then 6-10 gets deleted in order. Decide what's most important and maintain it, but forget the matching plastic bowls of nuts-- any old bowl will do. For example, we wanted an open bar. Then it turned into beer,wine and open for the bridal party. Now its just beer and wine for everyone. I figure, we're spending over 2 thou at a hotel, we shouldn't feel bad about not buying a bunch of shots or fancy mix drinks.
And to think...... once this is over, we still have a reception in September down South!
Anyways, I heard back from the editor. Sadly, she mis-remembered the debate I had with the other author at a conference two years ago. She thought we researched the same source but in different countries. In fact, we were just a few miles away from each other in Dublin. That will impact the direction she was going for, most definitely.
So holy s---. I break my ass, and it may not be published. yeay me.
While I am annoyed, I'm not surprised or really offended, because it was too much of a good thing to actually happen to me, in this stage of my career.
On the wedding front-- and let me preface this by saying that mostly, I laughed when these things happened:
Rehearsal dinner double booked (you know that)
florist ordered wrong flowers, tried to raise price ( she said she'd fix it)
Cake lady fell through (now my sister is making all three cakes, not just grooms cake)
hotel sold out, J's friends have no place to stay (cause THEY didn't make resv. on time. guys.)
bridesmaid got the wrong top (right size, she can wear it, it's just not what she wanted)
Hairstylist quit (but she offered to come to the house to do my hair)
running out of money (as expected)
Host couple 1 is missing half, because my dad's friend has something better to do that day. (actually, he is a photographer and I think he's sore that I didn't ask him to do the pictures)
had to cancel my bridesmaid fun morning (we have to take stuff to reception location)
But like I told my mom and fiancee, as long as I know the bills get paid, I'm good. It's all just details anyways. Nobody remembers if the bride had a manicure, or if the flowers weren't exactly what the M o B wanted, or that the reception wasnt AS fancy as others. My mom worries that the rehearsal dinner is a cash bar (MoG won't buy alcohol on principle, which is fine), and we can only provide beer (miller lite) and wine (house chardonnay and merlot) and tea/coffee. Hmm, does that include soda? I better ask my mom. I certainly can't pay for it--- I know my cousins, they'll drink more soda than the cost of a keg!
We've learned--- or I've gotten J and my mom to believe in my list of priorities. If you can't pay for 1-5, then 6-10 gets deleted in order. Decide what's most important and maintain it, but forget the matching plastic bowls of nuts-- any old bowl will do. For example, we wanted an open bar. Then it turned into beer,wine and open for the bridal party. Now its just beer and wine for everyone. I figure, we're spending over 2 thou at a hotel, we shouldn't feel bad about not buying a bunch of shots or fancy mix drinks.
And to think...... once this is over, we still have a reception in September down South!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Whew!
Alot has happened since my birthday: lots of frustration and worry. Sadly, I've been a witch to J. I'm up in homestate now, and getting things finalized for the wedding. Being away from school has made a huge difference. The oppressive worry of not working, or not being good enough, well, I decided to let go of--- atleast until August.
The wedding is turning out to be smaller than my mom expected, which makes me happy--- less people means less money. And money is what has been making me stressed out. Also, being near my family has been comforting. I wish my dad were here, but atleast I have the rest to help. Even my brother in law offered to help ALOT during the wedding, which means so much. I spent Mon-Fri at his house, helping him take care of the 2 boys while my sister was out of town. I really enjoyed it, though need sleep seriously, and don't know how they deal with two little boys!
Things are shaping up, and if the only bump was the rehearsal dinner place DUMPING us for a double booked night, then that's ok. The new spot has been really nice, and will be a better deal. The only trouble left is, do i truthfully ask my mom for more money for the wedding, or just continue to 'sneak' expenses in? I think I'll keep the DL on the $ for now. Odd, I can be honest and frank with J's mom about this. My ma is spending SOOO much money already! And trust me, we're doing this wedding the cheap way.
Gotta go, little M wants to watch alladin with me. nightowl.
The wedding is turning out to be smaller than my mom expected, which makes me happy--- less people means less money. And money is what has been making me stressed out. Also, being near my family has been comforting. I wish my dad were here, but atleast I have the rest to help. Even my brother in law offered to help ALOT during the wedding, which means so much. I spent Mon-Fri at his house, helping him take care of the 2 boys while my sister was out of town. I really enjoyed it, though need sleep seriously, and don't know how they deal with two little boys!
Things are shaping up, and if the only bump was the rehearsal dinner place DUMPING us for a double booked night, then that's ok. The new spot has been really nice, and will be a better deal. The only trouble left is, do i truthfully ask my mom for more money for the wedding, or just continue to 'sneak' expenses in? I think I'll keep the DL on the $ for now. Odd, I can be honest and frank with J's mom about this. My ma is spending SOOO much money already! And trust me, we're doing this wedding the cheap way.
Gotta go, little M wants to watch alladin with me. nightowl.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Not everyone's idea of a birthday
....but it really looks good now.
The girls that lived there before had an awful teal. The picture doesn't do justice to the horrible-ness and the bad brush strokes. The second is the new beautiful blue!
Just completing something yesterday (well, this morning really) feels wonderful. I also finished the article and just need to footnote it before sending it in. I'm feeling better and not SOO overwhelmed. Although, there is the matter of the apartment not being packed and we move tomorrow.................
Friday, July 4, 2008
Happy Fourth of July
Happy Birthday to me. (tomorrow). I won't explain why, but I ended up crying in my closet this afternoon. Then I went and spent 178.00 on house paint and brushes.
Man, we used to do the fourth up right when I was young. Neighborhood parade, games, pool, pool games, fireworks, and birthday cake for me and my dad.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
freak out, fun
I am in overload. O-Ver-Load.
Proposal draft went through to revision, just need to make fixes, add missing info, spell out certain ideas i.e. footnotes.
Article for journal is late. I hate it.
wedding freaking me out. I wish I had more money.
Moving on Monday. FREAKING OUT.
Good point to focus on: my brother in law secured tickets (and possible backstage) for J and I the Tuesday before the wedding. It's jack's favorite band, and he's so excited. I overplanned the week, so I cancelled stuff (well, cancelled it in my head). The only 'move' that I'm still pondering is this:
Tuesday before:
Original: Drive 2 hours to home town, see my grandma, and go to cemetery for my dad. Drive home to ma's house, dinner with my ma, go dancing (for practice) at a Cougar/MILF coctail lounge near her house.
Revised: Go to cemetery after wedding, on way home to TX. Spend day doing whatever, then pre-party, Dave Mathews, stay at my sister's House. J prefers this because there's no 2 hour drive involved. Or wedding planning.
I know it doesn't seem that big of a deal. It's just that I used to envision my wedding would be like this: My ma would still live in hometown, so wedding would be at my childhood church. Groom and I would leave ceremony and drive to cemetery, then to reception (without people knowing). It's different now because she lives 2 hrs away, and I know the logic isn't the tightest on that. I know visiting the cemetery is an empty gesture, and only I get something out of it. But all I'm gonna do is bawl at his grave probably, so I probably shouldn't do it the day of the wedding. And I get that maybe that logic would suggest we don't visit his grave until after the wedding. I've never thought of my dad as connected unalterably with the cemetery-- so it's not that I need to be there to talk to him, there's just something ceremonious about it that I used to think I needed.
Ah, the wierd issues of a bride with a dead father. Well, my uncles will walk me down the aisle, and we aren't doing any of those 'dances' at the wedding. We're doing one, what I call a 'start dance'. It's the first song, J and I twirl about for 30 seconds, then he dances with his mom, I dance with mine (she laughed and said I shouldn't). We've got an idea of who goes first. But I want to ask my dad's friend to dance with me. He was always my partner for the Girl Scout HoeDown in grade school. Funny, that dance job is more important to me than a lector in the ceremony.
Proposal draft went through to revision, just need to make fixes, add missing info, spell out certain ideas i.e. footnotes.
Article for journal is late. I hate it.
wedding freaking me out. I wish I had more money.
Moving on Monday. FREAKING OUT.
Good point to focus on: my brother in law secured tickets (and possible backstage) for J and I the Tuesday before the wedding. It's jack's favorite band, and he's so excited. I overplanned the week, so I cancelled stuff (well, cancelled it in my head). The only 'move' that I'm still pondering is this:
Tuesday before:
Original: Drive 2 hours to home town, see my grandma, and go to cemetery for my dad. Drive home to ma's house, dinner with my ma, go dancing (for practice) at a Cougar/MILF coctail lounge near her house.
Revised: Go to cemetery after wedding, on way home to TX. Spend day doing whatever, then pre-party, Dave Mathews, stay at my sister's House. J prefers this because there's no 2 hour drive involved. Or wedding planning.
I know it doesn't seem that big of a deal. It's just that I used to envision my wedding would be like this: My ma would still live in hometown, so wedding would be at my childhood church. Groom and I would leave ceremony and drive to cemetery, then to reception (without people knowing). It's different now because she lives 2 hrs away, and I know the logic isn't the tightest on that. I know visiting the cemetery is an empty gesture, and only I get something out of it. But all I'm gonna do is bawl at his grave probably, so I probably shouldn't do it the day of the wedding. And I get that maybe that logic would suggest we don't visit his grave until after the wedding. I've never thought of my dad as connected unalterably with the cemetery-- so it's not that I need to be there to talk to him, there's just something ceremonious about it that I used to think I needed.
Ah, the wierd issues of a bride with a dead father. Well, my uncles will walk me down the aisle, and we aren't doing any of those 'dances' at the wedding. We're doing one, what I call a 'start dance'. It's the first song, J and I twirl about for 30 seconds, then he dances with his mom, I dance with mine (she laughed and said I shouldn't). We've got an idea of who goes first. But I want to ask my dad's friend to dance with me. He was always my partner for the Girl Scout HoeDown in grade school. Funny, that dance job is more important to me than a lector in the ceremony.
Friday, June 27, 2008
embarrassing question
Help.
I have the oddest problem, and it needs to be solved asap.
Ok, I credit this problem with the fact that I've never spent such a long summer down here in the Sunny South. But in reality, we all know that winter only lasts from february to march, so I have been here long enough.
But, my deoderant no longer works. Seriously! Nobody told me that moving down here required changing my 'stuff'! I know that I am getting older (my birthday is next saturday) and perhaps my chemistry is changing, but I'm really perplexed.
So I ask, what do you use? Because the Degree and Dove that I have don't. I also have a 'special occassions' solution in Hex, from Merle Norman== but its no antiperspirant. I don't have time to shop right now, so I just need to give J a list of what to get, but what to get?
I don't want to leave the classroom smelling like onions again!
I have the oddest problem, and it needs to be solved asap.
Ok, I credit this problem with the fact that I've never spent such a long summer down here in the Sunny South. But in reality, we all know that winter only lasts from february to march, so I have been here long enough.
But, my deoderant no longer works. Seriously! Nobody told me that moving down here required changing my 'stuff'! I know that I am getting older (my birthday is next saturday) and perhaps my chemistry is changing, but I'm really perplexed.
So I ask, what do you use? Because the Degree and Dove that I have don't. I also have a 'special occassions' solution in Hex, from Merle Norman== but its no antiperspirant. I don't have time to shop right now, so I just need to give J a list of what to get, but what to get?
I don't want to leave the classroom smelling like onions again!
Saturday, June 21, 2008
invites 2
Oh, and I figure since I catalog all the negative about the wedding, I'd throw this in:
My ma got her invite and said it was beautiful, and she really liked it.
I didn't think that would matter to me, but it was nice to hear from her a positive, in light of the recent "You committed a faux paux because you didn't put my 21year old son's name on the external envelope" rage of, well, CA (crazy aunt). She didn't open the envelope to see the internal. Duh. I know i broke one little rule of etiquitte in not sending cousin his own invite, but it seemed like a waste anyways, so I followed the rest of the rules.
note: I'm not upset as much as amused at that. She just opened her mail while emotionally charged on other matters.
My ma got her invite and said it was beautiful, and she really liked it.
I didn't think that would matter to me, but it was nice to hear from her a positive, in light of the recent "You committed a faux paux because you didn't put my 21year old son's name on the external envelope" rage of, well, CA (crazy aunt). She didn't open the envelope to see the internal. Duh. I know i broke one little rule of etiquitte in not sending cousin his own invite, but it seemed like a waste anyways, so I followed the rest of the rules.
note: I'm not upset as much as amused at that. She just opened her mail while emotionally charged on other matters.
more mail
Ok, so I didn't have time to get ALL the invites addressed before the first mailing. But I got 75percent done, so I mailed them. Is that bad? THat i'm mailing a dozen or so a week later?
Also, smart me forgot to put a stamp on one, so it was returned--- to my ma's house up north--- and it was for a person who lives a mile away from me right now! Duh!
Also, smart me forgot to put a stamp on one, so it was returned--- to my ma's house up north--- and it was for a person who lives a mile away from me right now! Duh!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Freaking out
I want to run away. I want to run away into the world of Aha's "Take On Me' because the SS are chasing all of us and i have no time and not enough caffiene and no time and seriously, I am not slacking, I just have no time and I feel guilty for stopping for even the hour I took for lunch and hour for dinner because i have an article and my proposal and grading and teaching notes for tomorrow and I failed my students because they all make the same mistakes and I know that's just because they all are lazy and don't actually write essays but still I failed if I can't give back the last essay before I pick up the new one!
But on the other hand, thanks to a friend and J, we mailed many invitations today. I never thought I would spend 3 hours putting stamps on a pile of envelopes.
But on the other hand, thanks to a friend and J, we mailed many invitations today. I never thought I would spend 3 hours putting stamps on a pile of envelopes.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Dream
I'm also irritated that last night I dreamt of being in a wedding reception in New York City, and devoting the most infuriating evening to convincing Justin Timberlake to take Ambien. What the hell?
Good Morning Stress!
Last night I really enjoyed myself, SATC movie and cocktails at a restuarant I hadn't been to yet, and still home before the 'dark hours' of the morning. J is away on an impromptu bachelor camping party. He woke me up at 730am this morning to say hello, and tell me about his night.
He then proceeded to talk about wedding stuff. He is camping with the Best Man. The BM asked that instead of a free hotel room for two nights, if we could just give him cash. Now, I understand-- really, I do--- the price of travel. And I understand that if the BM is able to get a free hotel room at the same hotel, then it's an alright plan to give him cash towards plane tickets instead. That's logical.
But I felt bad because I recently denied someone else that similar strategy for stretching a buck--- because--- this is the really really important reason--- we are collecting the hotel reward points to use for a honeymoon (because we can't afford one right now anyways). And if we don't pay for hotel rooms, then there are no points. And we would have to pay for housing not just for the wedding party NOW but ourselves later. In fact, most of our money is going to that hotel.
But as Carrie said last night, sometimes decisions are made with emotions, not logic. I kinda freaked out, and this is why...
I feel like I screwed up, and nobody wants to come to my wedding, and I expect too much of people, and nobody really likes me anyways.
This whole hotel thing is so frustrating, I'm even starting to cry again now! Northern Wedding Town is big, and the 3 closest hotels to the church and reception didn't give amazing prices, because they don't need the business that bad. So it's $99 a night, but it's a Hilton. I feel like everyone thinks I chose the wrong hotel-- And I know that it's VERY logical reasons for the BM to ask for cash instead, because their plane tickets cost them $890 dollars, and he does have a free stay available to him. And J arranged for another friend of his to take over the old reservation, pay us cash directly, so we can still get the Hilton Points, which makes the honeymoon still possible.
But beyond that, the groom's family isn't even staying at the hotel. They're staying at a La Quinta to save money, because they are paying for 12-14 nights at the 'fancy' hotel for other people, but don't want to splurge on themselves. So I chose the wrong thing.
And THEN, MOG is still a little miffed because our invitations say "WE, along with our parents" rather than name our mothers directly, because HELLO I'm almost 29 and I"M PAYING FOR MOST OF IT, and since my fiance has a different last name than MOG, her family and friends won't know who he is, when they get the invite in the mail (NOT MY PROBLEM) . She's made sure she figured out how to solve that problem- by writing everyone letters and explaining my invitation before it shows up. As if she has to apologize for my error.
AND I HAVE RECEIVED THREE ADDRESSES FROM HER TO DATE. I asked for addresses A YEAR AGO. I feel like she doesn't think our actual ceremony is as important as the little reception she's throwing for us here in September.
I feel like nobody cares about us enough to want to come. I know that we all have our own agendas, and own problems, and own schedules and such. I know that the price of travel makes everything very difficult. But the fact of the matter is that none of J's friends have actually gone through with throwing him a bachelor party-- even the guys he's thrown ones for. This weekend, it's just a camping trip organized by the BM, and so J told him that it will have to serve this purpose. But none of the groomsmen have the time right now to do it, I get it. But J does not feel special whatsoever.
I have fabulous friends who threw me a very special bridal shower. I felt special. And I resigned myself to understanding that a bachelorette party was never really possible, that's why I kinda started organizing my own version for the thursday before the wedding, because my little sister who is MOH, more because she's family than because she's helpful or loving to me, doesn't really care. She hates the dress, is irritated that I'm asking her to fly home from her new schedule of grad school, and probably won't even care enough to get a gift.
I don't need a gift from her but really--- she stopped celebrating my birthday almost 8 years ago. The problem with my birthday, is that my birthday is 3 days before my dead father's birthday. So nobody really thinks about me, just him being gone. The last time I had a real birthday, with all my family, was the year before he died. I turned 13. For the next 6 years, my older sister was always on vacation with her best friend. And I'm not cool enough for the youngest. And my mom just gets a little too drunk and sad on my birthday anyways--- because I remind her of him, and of what's gone. It actually really hurts that my sister doesn't care about my birthday, and that she forgets it. I WAS BORN ON JULY 5th! I ALWAYS CELEBRATED ON THE 4th HOW CAN YOU FORGET THAT!
Now I'm freaking depressed about my stupid birthday. I never should have gone there. This post was about the wedding, and about how I feel. I know that I'm just stressed, and that all my feelings are not logically true. But it doesn't mean I don't feel them, and feel like I screwed up.
He then proceeded to talk about wedding stuff. He is camping with the Best Man. The BM asked that instead of a free hotel room for two nights, if we could just give him cash. Now, I understand-- really, I do--- the price of travel. And I understand that if the BM is able to get a free hotel room at the same hotel, then it's an alright plan to give him cash towards plane tickets instead. That's logical.
But I felt bad because I recently denied someone else that similar strategy for stretching a buck--- because--- this is the really really important reason--- we are collecting the hotel reward points to use for a honeymoon (because we can't afford one right now anyways). And if we don't pay for hotel rooms, then there are no points. And we would have to pay for housing not just for the wedding party NOW but ourselves later. In fact, most of our money is going to that hotel.
But as Carrie said last night, sometimes decisions are made with emotions, not logic. I kinda freaked out, and this is why...
I feel like I screwed up, and nobody wants to come to my wedding, and I expect too much of people, and nobody really likes me anyways.
This whole hotel thing is so frustrating, I'm even starting to cry again now! Northern Wedding Town is big, and the 3 closest hotels to the church and reception didn't give amazing prices, because they don't need the business that bad. So it's $99 a night, but it's a Hilton. I feel like everyone thinks I chose the wrong hotel-- And I know that it's VERY logical reasons for the BM to ask for cash instead, because their plane tickets cost them $890 dollars, and he does have a free stay available to him. And J arranged for another friend of his to take over the old reservation, pay us cash directly, so we can still get the Hilton Points, which makes the honeymoon still possible.
But beyond that, the groom's family isn't even staying at the hotel. They're staying at a La Quinta to save money, because they are paying for 12-14 nights at the 'fancy' hotel for other people, but don't want to splurge on themselves. So I chose the wrong thing.
And THEN, MOG is still a little miffed because our invitations say "WE, along with our parents" rather than name our mothers directly, because HELLO I'm almost 29 and I"M PAYING FOR MOST OF IT, and since my fiance has a different last name than MOG, her family and friends won't know who he is, when they get the invite in the mail (NOT MY PROBLEM) . She's made sure she figured out how to solve that problem- by writing everyone letters and explaining my invitation before it shows up. As if she has to apologize for my error.
AND I HAVE RECEIVED THREE ADDRESSES FROM HER TO DATE. I asked for addresses A YEAR AGO. I feel like she doesn't think our actual ceremony is as important as the little reception she's throwing for us here in September.
I feel like nobody cares about us enough to want to come. I know that we all have our own agendas, and own problems, and own schedules and such. I know that the price of travel makes everything very difficult. But the fact of the matter is that none of J's friends have actually gone through with throwing him a bachelor party-- even the guys he's thrown ones for. This weekend, it's just a camping trip organized by the BM, and so J told him that it will have to serve this purpose. But none of the groomsmen have the time right now to do it, I get it. But J does not feel special whatsoever.
I have fabulous friends who threw me a very special bridal shower. I felt special. And I resigned myself to understanding that a bachelorette party was never really possible, that's why I kinda started organizing my own version for the thursday before the wedding, because my little sister who is MOH, more because she's family than because she's helpful or loving to me, doesn't really care. She hates the dress, is irritated that I'm asking her to fly home from her new schedule of grad school, and probably won't even care enough to get a gift.
I don't need a gift from her but really--- she stopped celebrating my birthday almost 8 years ago. The problem with my birthday, is that my birthday is 3 days before my dead father's birthday. So nobody really thinks about me, just him being gone. The last time I had a real birthday, with all my family, was the year before he died. I turned 13. For the next 6 years, my older sister was always on vacation with her best friend. And I'm not cool enough for the youngest. And my mom just gets a little too drunk and sad on my birthday anyways--- because I remind her of him, and of what's gone. It actually really hurts that my sister doesn't care about my birthday, and that she forgets it. I WAS BORN ON JULY 5th! I ALWAYS CELEBRATED ON THE 4th HOW CAN YOU FORGET THAT!
Now I'm freaking depressed about my stupid birthday. I never should have gone there. This post was about the wedding, and about how I feel. I know that I'm just stressed, and that all my feelings are not logically true. But it doesn't mean I don't feel them, and feel like I screwed up.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
we won
Ta daa! I ventured back into the world of coed softball leagues tonight. We won! I played third base like I used to, and the best part (besides making a really good play for an out) was that the nervous butterflies almost went away in the last inning.
For some reason, I am kinda scared of softball. Ok, my sister hit me in the face with a bat when we were little. But that was a whiffle bat (it still hurt, and left little suction-cup circle marks on my face) and I was little. I still think that scarred me. So I was excited that I finally stopped being almost nervous.
Next week will be better.
For some reason, I am kinda scared of softball. Ok, my sister hit me in the face with a bat when we were little. But that was a whiffle bat (it still hurt, and left little suction-cup circle marks on my face) and I was little. I still think that scarred me. So I was excited that I finally stopped being almost nervous.
Next week will be better.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
5 x 5 (balance our your gripes)-
When it hails, there's tornados.
Five things that piss me off right now:
1. I screwed up my financial aid paperwork, and now my loan will be 1/2 what I though, and a week late.
2. Due to the lower loan, I have to cut out some wedding expenses AND ask my mom for help. I don't do well asking her for help with money. Sometime, ask me about how she sold my car to cover credit cards expenses when I left the country. She says I was running away, I said I had it all planned out, with minimum payments covered and everything, until I got back.
3. J earns $66 a day. In asking a raise, he has been forced to leave the place-- on principle. He works for Bif and his gang, who think that insulting a manager will make him stay.
4. My car is screwed up. we spent 236 on 2 tires wednesday. I need 2 more next month. AND brakes. AND a battery.
5. My desktop got a nasty virus, which I spent $150 'fixing' by wiping the harddrive, and as such, all programs and many files are gone, including WORD!. I can't find disks for that. I guess I will no longer type on that computer. Atleast I have a laptop.
6. I need to spend $100 on an external hard drive, so I don't have this happen again.
Five Good Things (must balance karma):
1. We are not angry about J's situation, just dissappointed in the stupidity of said owner. Apparently, when J gives word today, 3 servers, the bar manager, and 2 cooks will put in 2 weeks notice. They can get the same job elsewhere, and don't want to deal with BIF yelling at them without J to intercede. BIF and his gang will finally learn what they need to do to make a good restuarant, alone. (I Hope).
2. Wedding is two months away. If I think about the fun, its exciting. Otherwise, I'm kinda scared. I kinda want to hop on a plane and runaway for a weekend. It's not because of the wedding, I just want to run away from my life for a week, or so. Go 'find' the piece of my soul I left in Africa, and bring her home. Ok, well, I'd leave her there, but I want to go visit.
3. Syllabus is done for summer.
4. I feel hopeful about diss. proprosal.
5. Fancy Women's Studies Journal I was supposed to write article for last year, asked for the article again! (complications with J and life made it impossible for me to finish it last year) So hopefully, I can get a fancy schmancy publication in the fall!!!!!
Five things that piss me off right now:
1. I screwed up my financial aid paperwork, and now my loan will be 1/2 what I though, and a week late.
2. Due to the lower loan, I have to cut out some wedding expenses AND ask my mom for help. I don't do well asking her for help with money. Sometime, ask me about how she sold my car to cover credit cards expenses when I left the country. She says I was running away, I said I had it all planned out, with minimum payments covered and everything, until I got back.
3. J earns $66 a day. In asking a raise, he has been forced to leave the place-- on principle. He works for Bif and his gang, who think that insulting a manager will make him stay.
4. My car is screwed up. we spent 236 on 2 tires wednesday. I need 2 more next month. AND brakes. AND a battery.
5. My desktop got a nasty virus, which I spent $150 'fixing' by wiping the harddrive, and as such, all programs and many files are gone, including WORD!. I can't find disks for that. I guess I will no longer type on that computer. Atleast I have a laptop.
6. I need to spend $100 on an external hard drive, so I don't have this happen again.
Five Good Things (must balance karma):
1. We are not angry about J's situation, just dissappointed in the stupidity of said owner. Apparently, when J gives word today, 3 servers, the bar manager, and 2 cooks will put in 2 weeks notice. They can get the same job elsewhere, and don't want to deal with BIF yelling at them without J to intercede. BIF and his gang will finally learn what they need to do to make a good restuarant, alone. (I Hope).
2. Wedding is two months away. If I think about the fun, its exciting. Otherwise, I'm kinda scared. I kinda want to hop on a plane and runaway for a weekend. It's not because of the wedding, I just want to run away from my life for a week, or so. Go 'find' the piece of my soul I left in Africa, and bring her home. Ok, well, I'd leave her there, but I want to go visit.
3. Syllabus is done for summer.
4. I feel hopeful about diss. proprosal.
5. Fancy Women's Studies Journal I was supposed to write article for last year, asked for the article again! (complications with J and life made it impossible for me to finish it last year) So hopefully, I can get a fancy schmancy publication in the fall!!!!!
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Airplanes, boundaries, wedding weary
Well, after I look out the window, I must share my recent distress.
This government is after my happiness. Seriously! Trying to arrange travel for so many people to the wedding is disheartening. For some reason, plane tickets are $100 more than normal to my home city--- not just gas inflation, but up for some reason. And gas is climbing to $4 a gallon (though I doubt it will really go that high, but you never know), so driving north is harsh. I hate that we are asking so many people to travel to the wedding, because it costs so much.
And the last straw-- the Democratic Convention. My uncle the almost-general is involved in convention security. Depending on the type of battle to be waged on that stage, he may not be able to attend, and be a part of the wedding party. So seriously, Clinton step down! If you both go to the convention, I don't get my uncle!
Yes, I'm irrational and half-joking, but seriously! And yes, I voted for Obama, which Tom Hanks apparently did too, if you saw his dorky you-tube endorsement. I know Clinton believes this, and Obama believes that, yadda yadda. It all comes down to this-- the government is a slow moving glacier, and no one president and exert EXTREME change in 4 years. Hell, the next pres' first 4 will be spent dealing with the stupidity of Bush's last 4. But at the end of the day, I believe that Obama can bring small fundamental changes to this ailing democracy----- republic (and they are two diff things) and Clinton will not.
Obama is the closest thing to Jed Bartlett I've seen in a while. And you know, Deane wouldn't be that bad, except he's a sheeple and he won't change anything.
This government is after my happiness. Seriously! Trying to arrange travel for so many people to the wedding is disheartening. For some reason, plane tickets are $100 more than normal to my home city--- not just gas inflation, but up for some reason. And gas is climbing to $4 a gallon (though I doubt it will really go that high, but you never know), so driving north is harsh. I hate that we are asking so many people to travel to the wedding, because it costs so much.
And the last straw-- the Democratic Convention. My uncle the almost-general is involved in convention security. Depending on the type of battle to be waged on that stage, he may not be able to attend, and be a part of the wedding party. So seriously, Clinton step down! If you both go to the convention, I don't get my uncle!
Yes, I'm irrational and half-joking, but seriously! And yes, I voted for Obama, which Tom Hanks apparently did too, if you saw his dorky you-tube endorsement. I know Clinton believes this, and Obama believes that, yadda yadda. It all comes down to this-- the government is a slow moving glacier, and no one president and exert EXTREME change in 4 years. Hell, the next pres' first 4 will be spent dealing with the stupidity of Bush's last 4. But at the end of the day, I believe that Obama can bring small fundamental changes to this ailing democracy----- republic (and they are two diff things) and Clinton will not.
Obama is the closest thing to Jed Bartlett I've seen in a while. And you know, Deane wouldn't be that bad, except he's a sheeple and he won't change anything.
Things to Look UP For
A friend recently blogged about good news in her life, things to look forward to, and it made me realize that we all need to stop and take stock.
I was talking to my ex-stepfather on his birthday, who was having a really awful day (and on his 50th birthday!) and I said something that I used to say all the time. Is it cloudy today?
Seriously, is it cloudy today? If you don't know what is up in the sky, it means you have been so focused on looking down, or straight ahead, that you haven't stopped to look at the blue sky. There's two real reasons for pausing to look up.
1. Looking at the sky reminds us to dream, to look for shapes in the clouds, to look outside our present situations.
2. If you have been looking down at work or straining at a computer screen, you need the opposite stretch for your neck, to look up and back, or you'll get stiff.
So is it cloudy today?
I was talking to my ex-stepfather on his birthday, who was having a really awful day (and on his 50th birthday!) and I said something that I used to say all the time. Is it cloudy today?
Seriously, is it cloudy today? If you don't know what is up in the sky, it means you have been so focused on looking down, or straight ahead, that you haven't stopped to look at the blue sky. There's two real reasons for pausing to look up.
1. Looking at the sky reminds us to dream, to look for shapes in the clouds, to look outside our present situations.
2. If you have been looking down at work or straining at a computer screen, you need the opposite stretch for your neck, to look up and back, or you'll get stiff.
So is it cloudy today?
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
bargainist.com
Yes, I've added an widget on my page. This is my secret indulgence, and I love it. The website is called Bargainist.com and its a compilation of many offers, coupon codes, and freebies out there, every day except weekends. I've actually gotten great deals from this site.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Wanna leave the country?
Every week, I get continental.com specials. I like to dream about one day just saying, hey lets go on vacation-- tomorrow, and winging off to some random city. This week, the round trip fare from Nearby Big City to Belize is $150.00. And my thought was, "I can go", not "we." Logically, J can't leave or take off until the wedding, so logic makes that thought easy. But I seriously want to go. Seriously. I have a sneaking suspicion that its A. travel bug (I can't go back to Ireland this summer, and I've certainly gotten used to it over the past few years) B. It's not like its a bad reason I can't go back (wedding) C. Deep down, I don't understand why I couldn't go back this summer. I mean, financially, its impossible. But I've never let that stand in my way (sigh, oh the loans are piling up).
But I want to go to Belize. I want to travel al a carte one more time. The funny thing is, it's not like my days of independent travel are over after marriage. I fully intend on continuing my traveling days, and wandering ways, alone and together with J. My parents both took one vacation apart from the other each summer, and it was very important to them-- I see it as natural. So I shouldn't be reacting to the idea that I'll never travel solo again.
But I want to go to Belize. Maybe it has to do with responsibility and ....... dissertation! Ah, running away, to the most affordable running-away-country! Where they drive golf carts, not cars!
That said, anybody seriously want to run away with me to Belize from Saturday until Monday? it's 150$ round trip and the hotel would be $120 each for whole weekend............ seriously.
But I want to go to Belize. I want to travel al a carte one more time. The funny thing is, it's not like my days of independent travel are over after marriage. I fully intend on continuing my traveling days, and wandering ways, alone and together with J. My parents both took one vacation apart from the other each summer, and it was very important to them-- I see it as natural. So I shouldn't be reacting to the idea that I'll never travel solo again.
But I want to go to Belize. Maybe it has to do with responsibility and ....... dissertation! Ah, running away, to the most affordable running-away-country! Where they drive golf carts, not cars!
That said, anybody seriously want to run away with me to Belize from Saturday until Monday? it's 150$ round trip and the hotel would be $120 each for whole weekend............ seriously.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Oh Yeah, Proposal
I better be ready to discuss my proposal Tuesday at the lecture and dinner. I'm scared shit-less. I feel like I've taken a mental break from it, and finally wanted to get back in, but every time I want to get started with research and writing it, I have laundry, or dishes or well, most importantly NO CAR. we are sharing right now and it's driving me piss crazy.
April Showers Bring May Flowers
I had such a wonderful time this weekend at the bridal shower. It was nice to be with friends, and know that when I tried to start being a bit analytical about the whole ritualized life passage performed by women in our society--- when I started sounding awkward--- my friends didn't mind. I didn't make sense, but I had tried to say something similar up at the Mom's-Friends-Shower up north, and came off as weird.....
What I was/am trying to say is that I never, ever played house like other little girls. We played 'high school' or 'high power fashion editor in New York' or 'Your Birth Mother finally found you and she's a famous model who's sorry' (it sounds a bit sad but it was exciting for my friend M, thanks for such an imagination!).
In this past year, I've come to grapple with a lot of attitudes and opinions that I find I had picked up from, well, bitter people or a desire to prove that there doesn't have to be a 'standard' lifestyle. Such as, the first time my mom cooed about the possibility of my having children I suggested maybe I wouldn't, that it was my choice and maybe I didn't want to. It was important to me to stand up for the other point of view, that I never got to consider maybe I actually wanted children. And then I dated and hung out with people who were bitter and called others 'breeders' and 'corruptors of our world,' people who scorned and were openly hostile (just enough to make it known) to people who, say, brought children to a restaurant or concert.
I never wanted to seem too girly, or too female, or too-- much. Because I wanted my family and society to know that it shouldn't be assumed that every woman would grow up, get married, make babies and stay home, or have jobs that reflect mommy hood.
Let's face it, I was a tomboy, daddy's little girl, the holder-together of the family. I couldn't be too 'feminine' or 'emotional' or 'soft' growing up, so of course I am weirded out by female rituals. But beyond all these OLD notions, and attitudes I've been stressing over this past year, there is one true fact: I want all these female rituals. I want kids, but I have a hard time getting used to that idea-- it's been almost 2 years of me saying, 'all right yes, i want them someday' and every time I say it, I check myself because its such a big deal to me to say.
Anyway, this weekend was a beautiful shower, and (now I'm starting to tear up, how 'female' of me ha ha!) it was so striking, to be surrounded by friends--- yes, the materialism of it does weird me out a bit-- people watching me open presents-- but what I tried to say at the shower I meant-- all these women gather together to help build my future home, yes; but more importantly, to help me transfer from one role to another, to 'change my sign (or is it signifier?)' a little bit, before it changes ultimately in August, perhaps to help ME acclimate to the change. It all seems so very real now. You were there, you witnessed it, it's really going to happen.
I'm really going to get married!
What I was/am trying to say is that I never, ever played house like other little girls. We played 'high school' or 'high power fashion editor in New York' or 'Your Birth Mother finally found you and she's a famous model who's sorry' (it sounds a bit sad but it was exciting for my friend M, thanks for such an imagination!).
In this past year, I've come to grapple with a lot of attitudes and opinions that I find I had picked up from, well, bitter people or a desire to prove that there doesn't have to be a 'standard' lifestyle. Such as, the first time my mom cooed about the possibility of my having children I suggested maybe I wouldn't, that it was my choice and maybe I didn't want to. It was important to me to stand up for the other point of view, that I never got to consider maybe I actually wanted children. And then I dated and hung out with people who were bitter and called others 'breeders' and 'corruptors of our world,' people who scorned and were openly hostile (just enough to make it known) to people who, say, brought children to a restaurant or concert.
I never wanted to seem too girly, or too female, or too-- much. Because I wanted my family and society to know that it shouldn't be assumed that every woman would grow up, get married, make babies and stay home, or have jobs that reflect mommy hood.
Let's face it, I was a tomboy, daddy's little girl, the holder-together of the family. I couldn't be too 'feminine' or 'emotional' or 'soft' growing up, so of course I am weirded out by female rituals. But beyond all these OLD notions, and attitudes I've been stressing over this past year, there is one true fact: I want all these female rituals. I want kids, but I have a hard time getting used to that idea-- it's been almost 2 years of me saying, 'all right yes, i want them someday' and every time I say it, I check myself because its such a big deal to me to say.
Anyway, this weekend was a beautiful shower, and (now I'm starting to tear up, how 'female' of me ha ha!) it was so striking, to be surrounded by friends--- yes, the materialism of it does weird me out a bit-- people watching me open presents-- but what I tried to say at the shower I meant-- all these women gather together to help build my future home, yes; but more importantly, to help me transfer from one role to another, to 'change my sign (or is it signifier?)' a little bit, before it changes ultimately in August, perhaps to help ME acclimate to the change. It all seems so very real now. You were there, you witnessed it, it's really going to happen.
I'm really going to get married!
Monday, April 7, 2008
update: comfort films
Seasons 1, 2, and what remains of 3 are all available to watch online, on netflix. Yeay!
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Comfort films
This weekend I spent my time in the bedroom, or bathroom, or bedroom again. And while dealing with an unwelcome intestinal illness-- apparently not associated to cough-- I indulged myself in secret past time that I've ritualized over the last 15 years. You see, every time I'm really sick-- really truly, puky, fevery, sick, I haul out my old vhs tapes of a favorite tv show.
This show was canceled in the middle of the third season, and has been critically panned as implausible and farce-ical (word?) once Spielberg and scheider maneuvered away from it in the second season. But I can't help my love for Sea Quest. Sea Quest DSV, SeaQuest 2032, whatever it's name, that's my indulgence.
It's true that the first season was refreshing, a new 'starship enterprise' underseas, an inner world voyage instead of an outer space adventure. Plausible (for an imagined future of 2021) story lines captivated audiences on Wednesday nights at 7 ( I still remember when it was on, in 1993). In fact, on Halloween, 1993, the crew became entangled with a ghost ship on the bottom of the ocean. I stayed home to watch this, avoid taking my little sister out to trick-or-treat, and avoid friends who wanted to play Ouija board.
Yes, Jonathan Brandis was on the show, yes he was hot in that 90's young-grunge look that we were all trying to perfect at 14 (well, it was easier to pull off a flannel shirt and 'jesus shoes' than a hypercolor tshirt, don't you agree?) Yes, I had a crush on him. Yes, I had an overactive imagination that led me on my own episodes at night, zipping through the worlds oceans, (Lucas) discovering young girls (me) in distress on abandoned science outposts in the mariana trench, or even, jumping into the second season, leading Lucas Wolenciak 10miles below the earth's crust begging a female crew member to "hold me, just until I get to sleep" (he drew the short straw, and with only 4 seats available for the one shot rise to the surface, he was supposed to die down there at 16, never been you know what).
When season three began, in 95, and the crew had just returned-- 10 years in the future-- from fighting a war on a distance water planet, transported by aliens and brought back to a new age of society, fans were upset. Plausibility was clearly gone. It was interesting when whats-his-name Luke Skywalker turned out to be an interstellar traveler (who took seaquest to that distant planet), but still, ratings declined and the show ended before the season was out. I was offended. When SciFi channel ran the episodes in syndication the next year, I tried to tape as many as possible (hence the vhs tapes).
You may be thinking, she's a Trekkie geek at heart, a weirdo, a truely strange one. If you'll indulge me in my posting, here's why I cling to this (albeit poorly edited) show. In 1993, my father died. He was sick for 3 months, and then was gone on March 25th. When SeaQuest started, I was in the midst of my withdrawal, and sorrow. The show gave me an outlet to imagine multiple, fanciful, futures, because I couldn't bear to imagine a realistic one without my family. I even wrote a few of the dreams down, but don't ask as I won't share them. Some early work must never see the light of day, no matter what editor thinks that a juvenalia collection may do to a writers reputation and prestige.
I think I return to this show, when I'm ill, when I'm weak, not because it was a fantastic critical achievement, misunderstood by all, but because in the years when I was the most fractured from my mother and sisters, these characters provided a bit of a familial spot for me. Every week, someone almost died, but never did.... except for the unlucky, unknown, crew members no. 5 & 6, say, eaten by evil plants, or killed in alien gunfire. I needed that resurrection each week, I suppose.
And so now I'm almost to the end of Season 2, when Roy Scheider signs off, and the alien troubles begin. Season 3 changes to a man-made war, with major characters dying, and the inevitable intrusion of reality when you remember the object of your teenage obsession killed himself after making a few made for tv movies with Melissa Joan Hart. You never know if Captain Ford and Lt. Henderson ever got it on, really, or what the cancelled episode would have been about, that day in 1995, that wasn't aired because of some current crisis (I can't remember what it was).
A fitting end to the escapist machinations of my teenage brain--- oblivion--- a story without resolution. And so I watch, and am comforted by my weakness of years past.
This show was canceled in the middle of the third season, and has been critically panned as implausible and farce-ical (word?) once Spielberg and scheider maneuvered away from it in the second season. But I can't help my love for Sea Quest. Sea Quest DSV, SeaQuest 2032, whatever it's name, that's my indulgence.
It's true that the first season was refreshing, a new 'starship enterprise' underseas, an inner world voyage instead of an outer space adventure. Plausible (for an imagined future of 2021) story lines captivated audiences on Wednesday nights at 7 ( I still remember when it was on, in 1993). In fact, on Halloween, 1993, the crew became entangled with a ghost ship on the bottom of the ocean. I stayed home to watch this, avoid taking my little sister out to trick-or-treat, and avoid friends who wanted to play Ouija board.
Yes, Jonathan Brandis was on the show, yes he was hot in that 90's young-grunge look that we were all trying to perfect at 14 (well, it was easier to pull off a flannel shirt and 'jesus shoes' than a hypercolor tshirt, don't you agree?) Yes, I had a crush on him. Yes, I had an overactive imagination that led me on my own episodes at night, zipping through the worlds oceans, (Lucas) discovering young girls (me) in distress on abandoned science outposts in the mariana trench, or even, jumping into the second season, leading Lucas Wolenciak 10miles below the earth's crust begging a female crew member to "hold me, just until I get to sleep" (he drew the short straw, and with only 4 seats available for the one shot rise to the surface, he was supposed to die down there at 16, never been you know what).
When season three began, in 95, and the crew had just returned-- 10 years in the future-- from fighting a war on a distance water planet, transported by aliens and brought back to a new age of society, fans were upset. Plausibility was clearly gone. It was interesting when whats-his-name Luke Skywalker turned out to be an interstellar traveler (who took seaquest to that distant planet), but still, ratings declined and the show ended before the season was out. I was offended. When SciFi channel ran the episodes in syndication the next year, I tried to tape as many as possible (hence the vhs tapes).
You may be thinking, she's a Trekkie geek at heart, a weirdo, a truely strange one. If you'll indulge me in my posting, here's why I cling to this (albeit poorly edited) show. In 1993, my father died. He was sick for 3 months, and then was gone on March 25th. When SeaQuest started, I was in the midst of my withdrawal, and sorrow. The show gave me an outlet to imagine multiple, fanciful, futures, because I couldn't bear to imagine a realistic one without my family. I even wrote a few of the dreams down, but don't ask as I won't share them. Some early work must never see the light of day, no matter what editor thinks that a juvenalia collection may do to a writers reputation and prestige.
I think I return to this show, when I'm ill, when I'm weak, not because it was a fantastic critical achievement, misunderstood by all, but because in the years when I was the most fractured from my mother and sisters, these characters provided a bit of a familial spot for me. Every week, someone almost died, but never did.... except for the unlucky, unknown, crew members no. 5 & 6, say, eaten by evil plants, or killed in alien gunfire. I needed that resurrection each week, I suppose.
And so now I'm almost to the end of Season 2, when Roy Scheider signs off, and the alien troubles begin. Season 3 changes to a man-made war, with major characters dying, and the inevitable intrusion of reality when you remember the object of your teenage obsession killed himself after making a few made for tv movies with Melissa Joan Hart. You never know if Captain Ford and Lt. Henderson ever got it on, really, or what the cancelled episode would have been about, that day in 1995, that wasn't aired because of some current crisis (I can't remember what it was).
A fitting end to the escapist machinations of my teenage brain--- oblivion--- a story without resolution. And so I watch, and am comforted by my weakness of years past.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
cranky pants
Okay I went to the doctor, had chest xrays, etc. I told him that I had a cough since the last time I'd been there (January) but that my friends had had the same thing, and said their cough hung on for 4 weeks or so. So I ignored the cough until Spring Break. It seemed to get better.
And then, honestly, I got absolutely no sleep 2 nights in a row, thanks to a squabble and then my own inability to sleep when stressed. Then I got on a plane. And that sucked. The doctor said that if I hadn't ignored the cough, it would have been easier to fix. I have something similar to walking pneumonia (I sound and look like it but I don't have it) that has to do with my trachea and upper lungs (pneumonia is in the base), so I have drugs now, which should have an effect by monday. He did say it would take awhile, because my circulatory system was so irritated. And he didn't quite believe me when I said I'd never had asthma........ weird.
Anyways, I'll be better soon and won't have to give my students a walk just because I can't have a coherent thought in front of the classroom.
P.S. I did a segment on U2 and poetry in class. I'll have to post about the project/success/failure soon.
And then, honestly, I got absolutely no sleep 2 nights in a row, thanks to a squabble and then my own inability to sleep when stressed. Then I got on a plane. And that sucked. The doctor said that if I hadn't ignored the cough, it would have been easier to fix. I have something similar to walking pneumonia (I sound and look like it but I don't have it) that has to do with my trachea and upper lungs (pneumonia is in the base), so I have drugs now, which should have an effect by monday. He did say it would take awhile, because my circulatory system was so irritated. And he didn't quite believe me when I said I'd never had asthma........ weird.
Anyways, I'll be better soon and won't have to give my students a walk just because I can't have a coherent thought in front of the classroom.
P.S. I did a segment on U2 and poetry in class. I'll have to post about the project/success/failure soon.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Sick
So I got a cold in February, which I learned from friends that they had already had, and that it left you with a nagging cough for a few weeks. Well, It's now April, and I have this same cough and it won't leave. And I think I have allergies now. And I just wanted to whine a little, because I can.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Sunday Summit over
Sunday we went to The Family house for dinner. And I should have said something, but I didn't because religion is a touchy subject, but there was no grace said. It was Easter, and we didn't pray over our special meal. They just tucked in and ate away, discussing life. So I said my own private prayer, and realized that my attitude toward religion is changing. I've always told my uncles that I believed that Religion is important to the young, the very old, the infirm-- those who need it. I just comment on the fact that in our current society, in the US, most religious people (and I'm really only speaking of catholics, from my experience) need religion. When we are happy, content, and hopeful, as a society, we let go of religion. That's not to say that spirituality is lost, I mean organized religion-- sunday school, parochial school, potluck dinners, seder dinners, walks of faith, retreats, sunday services, etc.
Anyways, it was odd to me that we didn't pray because its so important to J's mom we have a minister from her faith at our wedding. We actually talked about it over dinner. Apparently I have to find out how the honorarium is given to the minister. I'm catholic, and for the past 8 years of my life (before I moved down south) I only interacted with Jesuits, who are not allowed any real possessions. So when my friends/family got married, you honored the priest with a little envelope of cash--- no donation to an altar guild, or flowers for the church, etc. It was easy.
I'm not used to dealing with ministers who actually make money, and have families. oy.
We also discussed the invitations, and got that kinda settled. Apparently, there's an entire wing of the family J doesn't know, and we didn't count them in for invites...... have to do a recount now. Gee, if I'd gotten a list of names from her LAST YEAR then I would know!
But overall, I'm happy with what we decided with all the various invites.
finally.
Anyways, it was odd to me that we didn't pray because its so important to J's mom we have a minister from her faith at our wedding. We actually talked about it over dinner. Apparently I have to find out how the honorarium is given to the minister. I'm catholic, and for the past 8 years of my life (before I moved down south) I only interacted with Jesuits, who are not allowed any real possessions. So when my friends/family got married, you honored the priest with a little envelope of cash--- no donation to an altar guild, or flowers for the church, etc. It was easy.
I'm not used to dealing with ministers who actually make money, and have families. oy.
We also discussed the invitations, and got that kinda settled. Apparently, there's an entire wing of the family J doesn't know, and we didn't count them in for invites...... have to do a recount now. Gee, if I'd gotten a list of names from her LAST YEAR then I would know!
But overall, I'm happy with what we decided with all the various invites.
finally.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Dream-mare
I woke up this morning after a wierd dream combination of "Who's the Boss,""King Ralph," and paper accordion wedding bell decorations. I can definitely tell that I'm getting more sleep, since the dreaming is on again, but perhaps I should try to limit the tv I watch before bed?
Anyway, since my last post, J has gotten an amazing promotion to manager. His current struggles include convincing a restaurateur that he doesn't know how to run a restuarant, and should follow the edicts J puts forth. He's nice about it, and only tells him little things at a time, but still.......
It's a really good steakhouse downtown, the spawn of two really good burger joints in town. It is owned by a meat-and-potatoes guy. THERE ARE NO VEGETABLES. And grilled tomatoes, while they are good, are fruit. You can get really good potatoes done 9,000 ways, but there's no broccoli or beans or such. There are salads, but the owner just hasn't comprehended the value of green yet.
Once I've deemed it good enough, then I'll tell my friends to eat there. UNLESS you go for lunch. Lunch is a standard fare-- better than Chicken Oil though.
Anyway, since my last post, J has gotten an amazing promotion to manager. His current struggles include convincing a restaurateur that he doesn't know how to run a restuarant, and should follow the edicts J puts forth. He's nice about it, and only tells him little things at a time, but still.......
It's a really good steakhouse downtown, the spawn of two really good burger joints in town. It is owned by a meat-and-potatoes guy. THERE ARE NO VEGETABLES. And grilled tomatoes, while they are good, are fruit. You can get really good potatoes done 9,000 ways, but there's no broccoli or beans or such. There are salads, but the owner just hasn't comprehended the value of green yet.
Once I've deemed it good enough, then I'll tell my friends to eat there. UNLESS you go for lunch. Lunch is a standard fare-- better than Chicken Oil though.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Because I was reading Rhetorical Situation
I just think its funny to point out that I, at one point, lived in a place that was renamed Obamaha, for just a short time. And I have vacationed in the Obahamas.
And my lovely uncles in Big Town South of Here voted for a woman recently, and went to an impromptu speech by her Husband. Then they wrote a poignant email that ended with something like--- They shook hands with Husband, the hands that touched Monica. And now Uncle 2 hasn't washed his hands yet.
And someone, one of their friends, who got the email, thought it would be funny to forward it to their friend who is head honcho of the Woman's campaign, to share it with her.....
Minus the monica thing.
I think it's funny. Six Degrees of Separation is a wild wild game in Email-world!
And my lovely uncles in Big Town South of Here voted for a woman recently, and went to an impromptu speech by her Husband. Then they wrote a poignant email that ended with something like--- They shook hands with Husband, the hands that touched Monica. And now Uncle 2 hasn't washed his hands yet.
And someone, one of their friends, who got the email, thought it would be funny to forward it to their friend who is head honcho of the Woman's campaign, to share it with her.....
Minus the monica thing.
I think it's funny. Six Degrees of Separation is a wild wild game in Email-world!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
wedding wedding wedding
Thanks to the genius of wedding websites--- which I apparently signed up for when I registered for a honeymoon giveaway, which no one ever wins and only gets me in with wedding junk mail... I've been reminded that the wedding is 5 months, 1 week, and 2 days away. And that I have 6 overdue tasks. I get two of these emails, from two different sites, weekly. It annoys me! At the same time, I kind of like that someone's counting down (so I don't have to).
I'm in the time period where I actually have to make my decisions now. sigh. Once you make a choice, then there's no room left to daydream. I don't buy wedding magazines anymore because I have a dress, and 95% of them are full of pictures of dresses. Actually, I never bought that many of them to begin with, cause I felt gyped that there weren't as many articles as I wanted. I don't care about stupid dresses--- you end up buying from the store you go to anyways, without regards to whatever 8,000 pictures you bring with you. I need advice on color schemes, cheap flowers, honeymoon ideas for poor grad students, etc. Grrr.
Anyways, I have to order the invitations. And I'm really annoyed about it. I have no 'list' from the MoG. She's having a party for us here, in Sept, which is wonderful and I greatly appreciate. But she has decided that she doesn't want to send wedding invitations to the people down here that she 'knows' won't be going to the wedding, and just give them reception cards for the sept. party. That means that the only people invited to the wedding, from J's side, is the bridal party. I finally got him to realize that his mom has decided to NOT invite anyone to his wedding, based on whether or not they are coming.
Here's the best logic: She doesn't want to send a ceremony invite (which will be out of state) to people she knows won't go. She does want to invite them to a reception in Sept. So I said that the invite isn't just an invite, but an announcement. So the right thing to do is send the invite, and then send an additional reception card, later, separately, that reads "no gifts please". She doesn't want to send the ceremony invite because she doesn't want to seem like we are asking for gifts from people we know won't go anyways. Following this logic, she has decided to send only a reception notice to 'her list' and say nothing of no gifts, because she wants us to have gifts. .... Isn't there a hypocrisy here?
If we send a notice, my way, we are saying that these people are invited to the wedding, regardless of where it is. If they choose to honor us with a gift, great, but there should be a line on the second reception card reading 'no gifts' because if someone wants to get a gift, they'll do whatever they want anyways. I don't care about the gifts. I don't like that we are now having 'my wedding' and 'his wedding', or atleast I'm starting to feel that way---- this second reception thing--- which I'm sure is not as big a deal as I think it is--- feels a bit of a repeat. She wants me to wear my dress again (no.).
Here's what I think is the underlying reason for the above issues: the invitations thing is based on the fact that I need names and addresses 6 months ago, and she doesn't have/hasn't made the time to compile a guest list. And the dress thing-- she wants to wear her dress, so if I wear mine, she can wear hers. I'm fine with these reasons, if they were just out in the open!
J is going to talk with his mom about the list, and I will not wear the dress-- she won't argue when I politely decline. J's mom is a great lady, and I really appreciate her. I just know that this is her only son, only wedding, and I don't want her to go off the deep end on making 'her reception'.
And I really, really, want my friends there so that I don't feel too far down the rabbit hole with strangers. I know J might have the same feelings about the ceremony, but at least he knows 50% of the guests already(friends in common and my family)!
Last note: I'm a dork. I bought a monogram embosser. It cost 28 $ and I'm going to use it to emboss our initials onto napkins, so I can just buy bulk colored napkins. And I can use it for programs, envelopes, etc. But mostly, I bought it for the napkins. How silly.
I'm in the time period where I actually have to make my decisions now. sigh. Once you make a choice, then there's no room left to daydream. I don't buy wedding magazines anymore because I have a dress, and 95% of them are full of pictures of dresses. Actually, I never bought that many of them to begin with, cause I felt gyped that there weren't as many articles as I wanted. I don't care about stupid dresses--- you end up buying from the store you go to anyways, without regards to whatever 8,000 pictures you bring with you. I need advice on color schemes, cheap flowers, honeymoon ideas for poor grad students, etc. Grrr.
Anyways, I have to order the invitations. And I'm really annoyed about it. I have no 'list' from the MoG. She's having a party for us here, in Sept, which is wonderful and I greatly appreciate. But she has decided that she doesn't want to send wedding invitations to the people down here that she 'knows' won't be going to the wedding, and just give them reception cards for the sept. party. That means that the only people invited to the wedding, from J's side, is the bridal party. I finally got him to realize that his mom has decided to NOT invite anyone to his wedding, based on whether or not they are coming.
Here's the best logic: She doesn't want to send a ceremony invite (which will be out of state) to people she knows won't go. She does want to invite them to a reception in Sept. So I said that the invite isn't just an invite, but an announcement. So the right thing to do is send the invite, and then send an additional reception card, later, separately, that reads "no gifts please". She doesn't want to send the ceremony invite because she doesn't want to seem like we are asking for gifts from people we know won't go anyways. Following this logic, she has decided to send only a reception notice to 'her list' and say nothing of no gifts, because she wants us to have gifts. .... Isn't there a hypocrisy here?
If we send a notice, my way, we are saying that these people are invited to the wedding, regardless of where it is. If they choose to honor us with a gift, great, but there should be a line on the second reception card reading 'no gifts' because if someone wants to get a gift, they'll do whatever they want anyways. I don't care about the gifts. I don't like that we are now having 'my wedding' and 'his wedding', or atleast I'm starting to feel that way---- this second reception thing--- which I'm sure is not as big a deal as I think it is--- feels a bit of a repeat. She wants me to wear my dress again (no.).
Here's what I think is the underlying reason for the above issues: the invitations thing is based on the fact that I need names and addresses 6 months ago, and she doesn't have/hasn't made the time to compile a guest list. And the dress thing-- she wants to wear her dress, so if I wear mine, she can wear hers. I'm fine with these reasons, if they were just out in the open!
J is going to talk with his mom about the list, and I will not wear the dress-- she won't argue when I politely decline. J's mom is a great lady, and I really appreciate her. I just know that this is her only son, only wedding, and I don't want her to go off the deep end on making 'her reception'.
And I really, really, want my friends there so that I don't feel too far down the rabbit hole with strangers. I know J might have the same feelings about the ceremony, but at least he knows 50% of the guests already(friends in common and my family)!
Last note: I'm a dork. I bought a monogram embosser. It cost 28 $ and I'm going to use it to emboss our initials onto napkins, so I can just buy bulk colored napkins. And I can use it for programs, envelopes, etc. But mostly, I bought it for the napkins. How silly.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Marriage Therapy
It may have been a freudian slip, but for the past few weeks I had been calling Pre-Cana Engaged Encounter, 'therapy'. I meant counselling. It did feel a bit like detox--- all day in one room with like-minded people, all trying to hide similar details from the people in charge. I did actually learn something from it.
Lesson learned: try saying 'will you forgive me' instead of 'i'm sorry all the time' because most of the time its not about whether or not I feel bad for doing something wrong, it's whether or not you'll forgive me.
I also felt better about our abstinence. We've pretty much been chaste since we got engaged in December of 06. While it has been trying, and well, sometimes made easier by physical ailments and injuries, I'm proud of us now.
The night before, I had intimated to a friend, exactly how many times we had been physical in the last year. His response was worry on our behalf. I felt bad trying to explain it was partly timing, partly injuries, and mostly J liking the idea of waiting. It felt awkward to go from a group of people worrying about why we weren't having sex to a group that was worried we might be having sex. I was muddled before trying to explain it, because I didn't understand J's reasoning behind liking abstinence. He himself didn't really understand the reasons why, but after this 'therapy' we can talk about the reasons clearly, and I feel happier about that.
We also learned the Biggest Lesson of All (BLA for short). Our BLA, which involves 'the reason' we argue, is not that J hasn't grown up or whatever excuse I thought I had worked out. It's this: He doesn't involve me in decisions-- specific decisions, like making plans to go out after work, or inviting people over after work. He now knows that he has to ask me first, and we decide together, and vice versa, I realized that what bothers me is that he's not involving me in the decision. Usually, he'll come home from those nights afterward and say something like 'you were right' anyways. Last night was one case in point, and while I was really irritated about it all, I had to swallow it because I know he's being punished today--- 2 hours of sleep before work at 10am. I don't like to say I told you so, but he does it for me so I don't have to. It was last night that we discussed the BLA.
Back to Pre-Cana: We had been prepared by friends about the hostility we might find. Actually, there was only one mean lecture, and it was at the very end.... you know, don't sleep together, don't live together, and don't look at porn. If I thought it was feasible, sure I'd ask Jack to move out until the wedding. But it's not feasible, and I don't see that it would help our relationship. And while I am proud that we have abstained since engagement, I'm still saddened. You see, after hearing the reasons WHY J feels this way, there will be no giving it up before the wedding. sigh.
Oh, we also learned about Natural Family Planning. And we've discussed looking into that route. But more on that later. It's obviously a very big issue to think about.
Lesson learned: try saying 'will you forgive me' instead of 'i'm sorry all the time' because most of the time its not about whether or not I feel bad for doing something wrong, it's whether or not you'll forgive me.
I also felt better about our abstinence. We've pretty much been chaste since we got engaged in December of 06. While it has been trying, and well, sometimes made easier by physical ailments and injuries, I'm proud of us now.
The night before, I had intimated to a friend, exactly how many times we had been physical in the last year. His response was worry on our behalf. I felt bad trying to explain it was partly timing, partly injuries, and mostly J liking the idea of waiting. It felt awkward to go from a group of people worrying about why we weren't having sex to a group that was worried we might be having sex. I was muddled before trying to explain it, because I didn't understand J's reasoning behind liking abstinence. He himself didn't really understand the reasons why, but after this 'therapy' we can talk about the reasons clearly, and I feel happier about that.
We also learned the Biggest Lesson of All (BLA for short). Our BLA, which involves 'the reason' we argue, is not that J hasn't grown up or whatever excuse I thought I had worked out. It's this: He doesn't involve me in decisions-- specific decisions, like making plans to go out after work, or inviting people over after work. He now knows that he has to ask me first, and we decide together, and vice versa, I realized that what bothers me is that he's not involving me in the decision. Usually, he'll come home from those nights afterward and say something like 'you were right' anyways. Last night was one case in point, and while I was really irritated about it all, I had to swallow it because I know he's being punished today--- 2 hours of sleep before work at 10am. I don't like to say I told you so, but he does it for me so I don't have to. It was last night that we discussed the BLA.
Back to Pre-Cana: We had been prepared by friends about the hostility we might find. Actually, there was only one mean lecture, and it was at the very end.... you know, don't sleep together, don't live together, and don't look at porn. If I thought it was feasible, sure I'd ask Jack to move out until the wedding. But it's not feasible, and I don't see that it would help our relationship. And while I am proud that we have abstained since engagement, I'm still saddened. You see, after hearing the reasons WHY J feels this way, there will be no giving it up before the wedding. sigh.
Oh, we also learned about Natural Family Planning. And we've discussed looking into that route. But more on that later. It's obviously a very big issue to think about.
Friday, February 8, 2008
I grew a pair
So I reclaimed my assertive side yesterday, and emailed my Chair, told her I don't want to meet tomorrow (today) because I honestly have nothing important to say about my diss., and that I need some more time to think and read.
I must have wires crossed because I honestly was expecting her response to be chastising me. Obviously, it didn't. Very refreshing.
On that note, I have issues with anxiety, and used to take zoloft and then buspirone for it. I made the executive decision to stop taking medicine last spring. I know, I know, but I actually got through prelims-- I just embraced my inner anal-retentive self, allowing myself to fully exercise all my coping mechanisms. Anyway, I worked for 2 years to get over this fear of authority figures--- my catholic guilt issues perhaps--- of wanting to avoid at all possible any interactions with teachers (outside the classroom). It's like getting stage fright, only I'm anxious about a conversation in the hallway. Conversely, I love being onstage. I've gone so far as to accept that it's easier for me to fail utterfly in front of a faceless crowd, than to be held personally accountable for words. Literally, words. I've learned that I can't rationalize it, or explain it (believe me, I and a few doctors tried), I can just get over it.
Two years ago, it was a huge deal for me to go to a semester kick off cocktail party, because I had to chitchat with profs. I may have hid behind my fiancee a bit, but I went. And that's what I have to do, to get around it. When I notice that I've fallen back into the habit of walking in certain doors, down certain hallways, avoiding common areas, I have to force myself to risk a chance encounter.
So I'm very proud that I was honest in my email, instead of pretending to be sick, like I had been planning to pretend since Tuesday.
I must have wires crossed because I honestly was expecting her response to be chastising me. Obviously, it didn't. Very refreshing.
On that note, I have issues with anxiety, and used to take zoloft and then buspirone for it. I made the executive decision to stop taking medicine last spring. I know, I know, but I actually got through prelims-- I just embraced my inner anal-retentive self, allowing myself to fully exercise all my coping mechanisms. Anyway, I worked for 2 years to get over this fear of authority figures--- my catholic guilt issues perhaps--- of wanting to avoid at all possible any interactions with teachers (outside the classroom). It's like getting stage fright, only I'm anxious about a conversation in the hallway. Conversely, I love being onstage. I've gone so far as to accept that it's easier for me to fail utterfly in front of a faceless crowd, than to be held personally accountable for words. Literally, words. I've learned that I can't rationalize it, or explain it (believe me, I and a few doctors tried), I can just get over it.
Two years ago, it was a huge deal for me to go to a semester kick off cocktail party, because I had to chitchat with profs. I may have hid behind my fiancee a bit, but I went. And that's what I have to do, to get around it. When I notice that I've fallen back into the habit of walking in certain doors, down certain hallways, avoiding common areas, I have to force myself to risk a chance encounter.
So I'm very proud that I was honest in my email, instead of pretending to be sick, like I had been planning to pretend since Tuesday.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Cookies
One more post....
I have a rule that if your phone rings in class, you have to bring cookies to the next session. It's always worked well, and nobody has ever purposely turned their phone on for cookies. Out of 3 semesters with that rule, this is only the 2nd time it happened.
My student yesterday, who's phone rang last Thursday in class, came to class with fancy Mall cookies. But he was sick, so he came to drop off the cookies and a sick note and leave.
I have to say, it was a good move on his part. He'd skipped a class already, and the fancy cookies really got to me. It's so sad, a chocolate chip can sway me.
I have a rule that if your phone rings in class, you have to bring cookies to the next session. It's always worked well, and nobody has ever purposely turned their phone on for cookies. Out of 3 semesters with that rule, this is only the 2nd time it happened.
My student yesterday, who's phone rang last Thursday in class, came to class with fancy Mall cookies. But he was sick, so he came to drop off the cookies and a sick note and leave.
I have to say, it was a good move on his part. He'd skipped a class already, and the fancy cookies really got to me. It's so sad, a chocolate chip can sway me.
Hyde Post
We discovered two nights ago that the only professional sporting event in my home state will happen the same week as the wedding. So I have to hurry up and get some details done-- which is also tearing me away from research (not to mention the start of the evil head cold going around).
I am excited to have solved a dilemma. We had decided to have an open bar (to what $ amount, I'm not sure yet). And then I realized that the hotel is 8 minutes from Church. Church is 12 minutes from reception. Reception is 20 minutes from hotel. Open Bar + 20 min drive = maybe I should provide transportation.
The problem is, to rent a shuttle for that long (all day) would cost $800-950, and the low ball estimate from the yellow bus company was $750! I was not happy. Then it occurred to me to call my old university. I remembered from undergrad, that a friend had rented a university van to pick up family at the airport, and drive around over graduation weekend.
Believe it or not, they actually do rent shuttles-- to alumni. And it's for 1/3 the cost!!!! Now I have a shuttle for the guests, and bridal party, AND it'll have my beloved mascot on the side! Much better than Ollie the Trolley, I think.
That's the good news for the day.
I am excited to have solved a dilemma. We had decided to have an open bar (to what $ amount, I'm not sure yet). And then I realized that the hotel is 8 minutes from Church. Church is 12 minutes from reception. Reception is 20 minutes from hotel. Open Bar + 20 min drive = maybe I should provide transportation.
The problem is, to rent a shuttle for that long (all day) would cost $800-950, and the low ball estimate from the yellow bus company was $750! I was not happy. Then it occurred to me to call my old university. I remembered from undergrad, that a friend had rented a university van to pick up family at the airport, and drive around over graduation weekend.
Believe it or not, they actually do rent shuttles-- to alumni. And it's for 1/3 the cost!!!! Now I have a shuttle for the guests, and bridal party, AND it'll have my beloved mascot on the side! Much better than Ollie the Trolley, I think.
That's the good news for the day.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Laser Hair Removal
Laser Hair Removal
Let me explain.
I mentioned that I attended a bridal shower up north with J and my Ma. As you know, each booth has their own cheesy prize contest--- usually with prizes that are little more than coupons off bridal services you don't want. Well, guess what I won up north. It just HAD to be from the booth that I openly mocked with my mother as we signed up. She couldn't understand why there was a plastic surgery booth at a bridal fair. I explained that despite her generational understanding, there were young little mindless-es who thought they had to alter their body for that ONE DAY. I also did explain-- seriously-- that many people had good reasons for certain procedures, who generally never did anything about it until 'now'. And there are older brides-- perhaps someone needs a lifestyle life first? ;)
So I ended up winning a $1500.00 prize at American Laser Centers, which has 500 locations or so. Of all the prizes I could win--- cakes, photography packages, HONEYMOONS, I end up with...... a bikini line.
Yesterday, a friend and I traveled to local Metropolis for the consult, and after a somewhat pressured, but honest, upsale, the clinic manager finagled my 'package' to include absolutely free laser hair removal on my bikini line, AND about 300 in free products. I actually ACTUALLY won something that had no catch! ( I checked the contract carefully). So here I am, doing something absolutely vain, and painful too. I had my first treatment, and it feels exactly like a burning matchhead-slash-needle is poked into your thighs. OH and can you imagine they offer Brazilian services? OW. I know it will be worthwhile eventually-- especially because I'm working out and maybe one day it might be POSSIBLE to see my bikini line in a suit (the rolls get in the way right now).
So does this mean I've joined the population that has had plastic surgery? Did I agree to this just because it's free, before thinking about it? I mean, I'm just following society right? We should be hairless?
Oh, and also, Future Mother in Law will be having a local reception for us after the wedding.....and I can't help but feel weird about control issues. I really want to control some of the decorations or invitations, but I can't control anything--- and really it's all little things.
Here's the problem: she's the paper-accordion-wedding-bell person, and I'm the one-candle-on-the-table-simple person. Oy.
Let me explain.
I mentioned that I attended a bridal shower up north with J and my Ma. As you know, each booth has their own cheesy prize contest--- usually with prizes that are little more than coupons off bridal services you don't want. Well, guess what I won up north. It just HAD to be from the booth that I openly mocked with my mother as we signed up. She couldn't understand why there was a plastic surgery booth at a bridal fair. I explained that despite her generational understanding, there were young little mindless-es who thought they had to alter their body for that ONE DAY. I also did explain-- seriously-- that many people had good reasons for certain procedures, who generally never did anything about it until 'now'. And there are older brides-- perhaps someone needs a lifestyle life first? ;)
So I ended up winning a $1500.00 prize at American Laser Centers, which has 500 locations or so. Of all the prizes I could win--- cakes, photography packages, HONEYMOONS, I end up with...... a bikini line.
Yesterday, a friend and I traveled to local Metropolis for the consult, and after a somewhat pressured, but honest, upsale, the clinic manager finagled my 'package' to include absolutely free laser hair removal on my bikini line, AND about 300 in free products. I actually ACTUALLY won something that had no catch! ( I checked the contract carefully). So here I am, doing something absolutely vain, and painful too. I had my first treatment, and it feels exactly like a burning matchhead-slash-needle is poked into your thighs. OH and can you imagine they offer Brazilian services? OW. I know it will be worthwhile eventually-- especially because I'm working out and maybe one day it might be POSSIBLE to see my bikini line in a suit (the rolls get in the way right now).
So does this mean I've joined the population that has had plastic surgery? Did I agree to this just because it's free, before thinking about it? I mean, I'm just following society right? We should be hairless?
Oh, and also, Future Mother in Law will be having a local reception for us after the wedding.....and I can't help but feel weird about control issues. I really want to control some of the decorations or invitations, but I can't control anything--- and really it's all little things.
Here's the problem: she's the paper-accordion-wedding-bell person, and I'm the one-candle-on-the-table-simple person. Oy.
Friday, January 11, 2008
I'm Back
So much happened over break--- dealt with newly divorced (and a bit lost) mother, a mean bigwheel that resisted assemblage, a BRIDAL FAIR with J and my Ma, and wonderful snow.
Dealing with the misguided path my diss. proposal took-- must reshape entirely. I'm scared to have the conversation where I say stuff like, "I don't like where I've ended up" "I'm not a modernist" "this diss has been heavily influenced by other people rather than what I want" etc. But I'm good--- I got to meet up with a friend from Desirable University a couple times, discuss the travel program I am somewhat affiliated with (as an assistant) and remember just exactly why I want to be a professor--- where I want to teach, how, etc. I still feel like crap, and stupid, about the oral exam before Christmas, but I'm closer to putting it behind me.
A good friend told me it's like a state athletic event--- once you pass the semifinals, no one cares what the score was in the previous round--- you just got to the next one, and you're there, so deal with it. I love that analogy.
gotta cut it short, phone ringing............
Dealing with the misguided path my diss. proposal took-- must reshape entirely. I'm scared to have the conversation where I say stuff like, "I don't like where I've ended up" "I'm not a modernist" "this diss has been heavily influenced by other people rather than what I want" etc. But I'm good--- I got to meet up with a friend from Desirable University a couple times, discuss the travel program I am somewhat affiliated with (as an assistant) and remember just exactly why I want to be a professor--- where I want to teach, how, etc. I still feel like crap, and stupid, about the oral exam before Christmas, but I'm closer to putting it behind me.
A good friend told me it's like a state athletic event--- once you pass the semifinals, no one cares what the score was in the previous round--- you just got to the next one, and you're there, so deal with it. I love that analogy.
gotta cut it short, phone ringing............
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